1
00:00:56,641 --> 00:00:58,851
They're fighting again!

2
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,150
Oh, boy.

3
00:01:07,318 --> 00:01:09,987
Don't! Wait! Not my homework!

4
00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:11,572
No! Stop it! No!

5
00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:13,282
Problem, gentlemen?

6
00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:14,867
Hey, dork-brain!

7
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:18,287
If you weren't a girl,
I'd beat your face off.

8
00:01:18,496 --> 00:01:21,082
If you weren't a girl,
I'd beat your face off.

9
00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:22,583
You're calling me a girl?

10
00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,126
You called me one!

11
00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:25,920
You asked for it.

12
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:28,673
Ow!

13
00:01:31,384 --> 00:01:33,010
Now get out of here!

14
00:01:38,516 --> 00:01:40,017
Forget those guys.

15
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:43,521
They're jealous because you're
smart and funny.

16
00:01:43,688 --> 00:01:45,690
And girls like that.

17
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,608
What girls?

18
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,652
Lots of girls.

19
00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:52,863
I mean...I like you.

20
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:56,951
I don't like you. Now everybody
thinks I need a girl to fight for me.

21
00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,328
You are a dork-brain.

22
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,001
My nose!

23
00:02:08,421 --> 00:02:09,463
Wimp!

24
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,736
Moe and Larry in the house.

25
00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:36,324
Grant, what have we got out back?

26
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,451
All clear here, sir.

27
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,328
Matthews, what do you got?

28
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,581
Returnable cans, sir.

29
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,750
<i>I think I'm up to 75 cents.</i>

30
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:48,711
Hey, we got a cab.

31
00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:52,214
Here comes Curly.

32
00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:15,071
Yep, the Three Stooges.

33
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:24,872
Check it out, Ivan's packing.

34
00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:41,806
Thank you! We've got a briefcase.

35
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:44,141
Hart, waiting for visual confirmation.

36
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,935
No disc yet.

37
00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:52,400
Case is opening.

38
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,404
This woman's ass is in the way.

39
00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:03,244
Hart, we can't see a goddamn thing.
We need to see the discs.

40
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:07,790
- This broad's got two asses!
- Hart, do something!

41
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:09,583
Excuse me.

42
00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:11,669
You wanting something else?

43
00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:15,464
Yeah. You know what?
I really love this borscht.

44
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,175
Or, as they say in Russian:

45
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:26,267
- All right, Hart. We got the discs.
- We're moving in!

46
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,201
FBI! Get down on the ground! Now!

47
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,162
- Get down on the ground!
- Do it!

48
00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:48,873
Keep your hands where I can see them!

49
00:04:52,168 --> 00:04:53,210
No English.

50
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:10,227
Hart! Nobody moves until I see
some goddamn "Lazhitsa na pol"!

51
00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:17,234
Sir, he's turning purple!

52
00:05:17,610 --> 00:05:20,070
Hart, until we secure, you stay.

53
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:27,995
- Sir.
- Hart!

54
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:32,583
Sir, that is one really, really
purple Russian, sir!

55
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,252
He's still armed! Nobody moves!

56
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,505
Hands up! Back off! Back off!

57
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,635
- No, sir. He's not gonna die.
- Hart!

58
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,553
He's not good enough for that.

59
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:49,934
His victims didn't get a chance
to choke on a peanut, did they, sir?

60
00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:53,103
Now you're going down.

61
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,734
Drop the guns or I'll kill her.

62
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,778
Ivan, out the back.

63
00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:04,073
You're not killing anyone,
you peanut-eating bastard.

64
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,410
Step back!

65
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:14,124
Move it! Move it!

66
00:06:33,269 --> 00:06:34,311
Party's over, boys.

67
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:42,486
How's your head, my little piroshki?

68
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,991
This is gonna put you away
for a long time. You know that?

69
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:49,326
Let's get that ambulance in here!

70
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,664
- Shut up!
- Stay with me, all right?

71
00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:56,959
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry. You did a great job!

72
00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:14,810
Nice work. See you back there, okay?

73
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:22,443
Come on, Hart. The van's waiting.

74
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:25,821
I got Grant shot.
I shouldn't have moved.

75
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,948
Come on, you made a choice.

76
00:07:28,157 --> 00:07:30,951
It was wrong, but that's it.
It's over.

77
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:34,038
By the way, you look like hell.

78
00:07:34,038 --> 00:08:04,038
<b>Subtitle | www.movieddl.me</b>

79
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,580
- Morning, Mrs. Schwartz. Schnatzie.
- Good morning, Gracie.

80
00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:42,416
Hart.

81
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:43,876
Yes, sir.

82
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,378
ETA, 20 minutes.

83
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,131
No problem. Breakdown?

84
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,886
Yes, sir. Negative.
Do not need assistance.

85
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,764
Ten-four, sir. Yes, I know it's hot.

86
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,457
Hey, you cannot park--

87
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,922
It's an emergency. Official business.

88
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,549
Ma'am, aside, please. Thank you.

89
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,302
Official business, sir.
Emergency. Step aside.

90
00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:37,554
Hey, get lost! I'm waiting here.

91
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,890
FBI. You might want
to stay out of this.

92
00:10:40,057 --> 00:10:43,227
Excuse me.
Sir, ma'am, please back off.

93
00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:47,564
All right. I need eight double-tall--

94
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,986
Eight double-tall lattes.
One with no foam.

95
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,864
Five decaf lattes with a long straw.

96
00:10:56,073 --> 00:11:00,077
Four caramel macchiattos. Double up
on the cup. I got a long way to go.

97
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:03,455
Two blueberry scones
with the little granules on top...

98
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,541
...and one Starbucks compilation CD.

99
00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:09,044
- No! I would like...
- Oh, jeez.

100
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,221
What's going on? Where's McDonald?

101
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,890
Could we put out an APB
on my Frappuccino?

102
00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:25,435
It's in the bag. Did he say anything
about last night?

103
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:29,189
Relax. Don't annoy him.
Don't say anything. Don't argue.

104
00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:32,109
I don't argue. I never argue.
When do I argue?

105
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:35,279
I might have a heated discussion
with somebody.

106
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:38,448
Is this you not arguing?
Because you suck at it.

107
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:40,117
Morning, everybody.

108
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,494
Morning, sir. It's...

109
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:44,454
Sir.

110
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,206
Okay, everybody.

111
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:50,210
I know you're all concerned
about Grant's condition.

112
00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:52,588
So I'm happy to report...

113
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:56,717
...Jerry's gonna be fine. He'll be
out of the hospital in two weeks.

114
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,427
He says he's expecting lots of gifts.

115
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,805
Okay, everybody.

116
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:06,143
So much for the good news. We got
another letter from the Citizen.

117
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,854
Arson, explosives, poison...

118
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,773
...this guy never works
the same way twice.

119
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,485
The only thing we know for sure...

120
00:12:15,986 --> 00:12:18,989
...is, we get these letters full
of incomprehensible riddles...

121
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,658
...he strikes and suddenly
the clues make sense.

122
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,578
This one is down in Intelligence.

123
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:27,831
Hopefully, we'll get a lead
before somebody gets killed.

124
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:29,166
In the meantime...

125
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:32,294
...Matthews, get a team together.

126
00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:35,380
Sir, you want me to take point?

127
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:37,674
For five years you've wanted it.

128
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:41,261
Last night, you earned it.
Pick your team.

129
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:44,139
I want preliminaries by 3.
That's it.

130
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:46,350
Sir...?

131
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,355
Who's buying me lunch?

132
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:54,858
Sir, I would like to talk
about what happened last night.

133
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,693
I didn't exactly follow orders--

134
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,363
"Exactly" follow orders?
There's no such thing.

135
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,531
You follow orders or you don't.

136
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,700
No arguments, sir. None whatsoever.

137
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,911
Until the hearing,
you're out of the field.

138
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,330
The hearing is totally warranted.

139
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:11,166
Wouldn't I be better
on the Citizen case?

140
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:13,710
I have a background
in profiling and decoding.

141
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,212
- No.
- I could contribute.

142
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,047
Like you contributed last night?

143
00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:19,299
By putting yourself
and five agents in jeopardy?

144
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,677
I'll save the rest
for the review board.

145
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:25,055
You will bury yourself
under a mountain of paperwork.

146
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,224
Discussion is over.

147
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,411
Mike, give me a pint.

148
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,996
Rough day?

149
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,831
The worst.

150
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,374
Sure you want a whole one?

151
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,711
Yeah. Hit me big time, baby.

152
00:13:55,961 --> 00:14:00,549
Hey, Einstein. If you figure out
that Citizen letter, let me know.

153
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:05,554
Congratulations on the op.
It's a big shot.

154
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,347
Thanks.

155
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,599
How are you doing? You okay?

156
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,268
I'm good.

157
00:14:13,437 --> 00:14:14,855
You're starting early today.

158
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,899
Yeah, I'm gonna get chip-faced.
Want to join me?

159
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:21,236
I'd love to, but I have
a pressing social engagement.

160
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:22,946
Beth!

161
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:24,865
Brownie meeting.

162
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,576
- Mike, give me a beer and...
- Um...

163
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,411
Milk. Give her milk.

164
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,538
White wine spritzer.

165
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:34,207
Are most of the people in here agents?

166
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,502
As a matter of fact, here's
an agent. Gracie Hart.

167
00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:39,254
Beth Carter.

168
00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:42,299
Right back to you.

169
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:46,136
Beth is an undergrad at Vassar,
doing a paper on law enforcement.

170
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,221
I'm helping her get an inside look.

171
00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:50,599
I bet she'll do the same for you.

172
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:54,102
Gracie, I would love to get
a woman's point of view.

173
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:57,647
You're barking up the wrong tree.
Right, Hart?

174
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:02,444
Do all the women have to wear
those really masculine shoes?

175
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:09,409
I get these made special by the guy
that put the tattoo on my ass.

176
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:12,412
We'll leave you with Ben and Jerry.
Catch you later.

177
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:15,290
- Nice meeting you.
- You too.

178
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,628
Hope you have a good time at the mall.

179
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,546
Wohop is the place.

180
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:25,092
Wohop is good, but if you like
variety, you go to La Chinita Linda.

181
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,760
Their rice and beans are slamming.

182
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,679
I don't want variety.
I get pork fried rice every--

183
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:33,100
I figured it out! I tried to create
a content-based pattern...

184
00:15:33,308 --> 00:15:34,601
...similar to his previous letters.

185
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,645
But this time, he used a signifier.

186
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,189
In this case, the word "miss"...

187
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:42,984
...in the subsequent letters.
Will you let me finish?

188
00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:45,195
It's the Miss United States Pageant.

189
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,198
Yeah. Intelligence thought so too.

190
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,866
What do we got?

191
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:53,537
Miss United States from San Antonio,
Texas, home of the Alamo.

192
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,080
I forgot the Alamo.

193
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:58,458
The pageant lasts three days.
Preliminaries, conferences...

194
00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:01,545
...the live telecast.
It's a logistical nightmare.

195
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,046
Not just a babe-fest.

196
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:06,633
Jesus, we've only got 48 hours.

197
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,969
Okay, gentlemen.

198
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,221
Where do we start?

199
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:16,643
I got a cousin in Texas.

200
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:20,981
You might want to call the network and
pageant people. Set up a meeting.

201
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:26,319
Because you'll probably need
their cooperation.

202
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,071
Yeah.

203
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:30,407
Yeah, I can do that. Let's do that.

204
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,242
What about jurisdiction?

205
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,995
The Citizen has been ours
from the start.

206
00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,581
You might want to call San Antonio.

207
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:40,041
Grease some wheels so they like us...

208
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:41,835
...when we need manpower and tech.

209
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,420
While I'm at it, let's do that.

210
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:44,754
Good idea.

211
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:47,716
He loves to make a splash.
His target will be public...

212
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,719
...like one of these outdoor prelims
or a TV broadcast.

213
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,762
Telecasters at the convention center.

214
00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:56,725
We're gonna need surveillance
on the interior perimeter.

215
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:59,519
We'll need more.
There's a million places...

216
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:03,356
...only these bikini-stuffers can go:
backstage areas, hotel rooms...

217
00:17:03,565 --> 00:17:05,442
We need to get somebody in there.

218
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,861
Yeah! Now I'm thinking...

219
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,779
...undercover.

220
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,448
Good idea, boss.

221
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,033
I got just the girl.

222
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:17,871
- Huh? Huh?
- All right.

223
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:19,915
That's nothing. Check this out.

224
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:23,460
Compliments of my daughter:
the "Dress Up Sally" web site.

225
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:34,971
What did I tell you? Hot, right?

226
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:36,223
Yeah, baby.

227
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,725
You got a little problem.

228
00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:40,268
She's perfect!

229
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:41,645
Look to the left.

230
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,148
Down...down...

231
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,193
- There you go.
- "On maternity leave"?

232
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,653
That's not gonna work.

233
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:52,572
Not unless it's
"The Miss Lamaze Pageant."

234
00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,288
Can you do a search?

235
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:03,333
Female field agents under 35.

236
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:16,763
Jensen, Jensen!

237
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,820
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
I got it, I got it!

238
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:43,790
Oh, no!

239
00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:45,292
That's right, that's right!

240
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,381
You think that's good?
Check this out.

241
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,049
I got the winner right here.

242
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:54,342
Scorekeepers ready?

243
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,225
This is the best part.

244
00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,065
Oh!

245
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,406
He's right behind me, isn't he?

246
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,533
Not really my color, is it?

247
00:19:19,743 --> 00:19:20,910
Sir, we were just...

248
00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:24,247
...looking for someone
to go undercover at the pageant.

249
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,167
And I'm the best we have.

250
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,294
It doesn't inspire much confidence.

251
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,421
Get back to work.

252
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:35,592
- Hart, shouldn't you be at a desk?
- Yes, sir.

253
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,679
You don't say anything?
Made me look like an idiot.

254
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:42,515
Do I have eyes in the back of my head?

255
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:45,268
- He was standing right behind me.
- What were we gonna say?

256
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:46,561
- What?
- This one.

257
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:48,938
Are you kidding? It's Hart.

258
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,524
Cut it off. Let's go back to work.

259
00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:56,821
Very funny.

260
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,573
Hold on. That's not bad.

261
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:03,370
Hold on, nothing. Hit the save button
because you won't see that again.

262
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,461
- What do you say?
- No freaking way.

263
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:12,754
Why not?

264
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,799
I won't parade around in a swimsuit
like some bimbo...

265
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:19,886
...named Gracie Lou Freebush,
and all she wants is world peace.

266
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,555
It wouldn't be like that.

267
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:24,974
You'd be on the undercover team.

268
00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:27,060
Right. In a thong.

269
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,647
In a tasteful one-piece!

270
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,400
You do a few butt-shaping exercises...

271
00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:34,984
...you could pull this off.

272
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,778
You know what? Pull this off.

273
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,655
Is it because McDonald hates me?

274
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:40,990
Or is it, like, a woman thing?

275
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,871
Don't kid yourself.
Nobody thinks of you that way.

276
00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:53,253
He's punishing me, isn't he?

277
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,839
I had to beg him to let you do this.

278
00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:58,675
That's right. Like it or not,
you screwed up, pal.

279
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,260
Sit down, sit down.

280
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:10,186
I've never been in a beauty pageant.

281
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:13,523
I don't even own a dress.
I don't even own a brush.

282
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,316
Ow, Jesus. Oh.

283
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,529
Which part of that
is supposed to shock me?

284
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,206
Let's suspend reality for a second...

285
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:31,875
...and pretend I said yes.

286
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:34,169
I got to do everything? Like...

287
00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:37,005
...the whole big hair
and the makeup and--

288
00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:38,214
Damn right.

289
00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:42,677
The spinning, the twirling, the
smiling, the cute little tap number.

290
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:45,388
Hundred bucks on Matthews.

291
00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:47,932
I don't know. She's got rage.

292
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:51,978
I'll take that bet.

293
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:03,323
- That's right. That's right.
- Yeah!

294
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,241
Yeah, baby.

295
00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:08,244
So you're saying...

296
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,830
...I have to wear the bathing suit?

297
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,334
Yeah, you have
to wear the bathing suit.

298
00:22:15,084 --> 00:22:16,252
Okay.

299
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,423
You go, girl.

300
00:22:23,092 --> 00:22:25,094
Where am I gonna put my gun?

301
00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:27,847
No place I want to know about.

302
00:22:29,557 --> 00:22:33,394
What could possibly motivate anybody
to enter a beauty pageant?

303
00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:35,897
Scholarship money,
a chance to see the world...

304
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:37,982
...broaden your horizons--

305
00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:41,528
So join the Marines. It's like
feminism never even happened.

306
00:22:41,736 --> 00:22:45,782
Any woman that does this is catering
to misogynistic Neanderthal mentality.

307
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:48,076
I dated Young Miss Scarsdale.

308
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:50,245
Can you really be this superficial?

309
00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:52,121
Hard to believe, right?

310
00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:53,373
Here we are.

311
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,626
Therefore, we'd like to use
one of our team undercover.

312
00:22:56,793 --> 00:22:58,545
Am I hearing this correctly?

313
00:22:58,753 --> 00:23:03,132
Kathy, these people want
to put one of their agents...

314
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:04,801
...in the pageant.

315
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:06,135
They want her to win?

316
00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:08,012
No, ma'am.

317
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:11,099
We will need your help
with the judging...

318
00:23:11,307 --> 00:23:13,643
...so our agent is in the top five...

319
00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:16,813
...to have access to
all the areas at all times.

320
00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:19,315
- Absolutely not.
- Miss Morningside...

321
00:23:19,649 --> 00:23:21,734
...we understand how important
this beauty pageant--

322
00:23:21,943 --> 00:23:23,319
Excuse me.

323
00:23:23,653 --> 00:23:25,738
This is not a beauty pageant.

324
00:23:25,947 --> 00:23:27,991
This is a scholarship program.

325
00:23:28,157 --> 00:23:30,952
And it has been ever since my reign.

326
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,163
I fully intend on maintaining
that credo.

327
00:23:34,414 --> 00:23:35,790
Absolutely, Miss Morningside.

328
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,626
We're here to protect the girls.
Women.

329
00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,086
Scholarship ladies.

330
00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:45,592
There's nothing more important to me
than the safety of my girls.

331
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,678
I'd rather cancel the pageant
than have them blown up.

332
00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:50,805
Especially without their knowledge.

333
00:23:51,472 --> 00:23:54,684
We went to the network to cancel,
but they refused.

334
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,102
We can't force them.

335
00:23:57,687 --> 00:23:58,813
I'm confused.

336
00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:00,857
What state is she going to be from?

337
00:24:01,065 --> 00:24:03,026
All the winners have been chosen.

338
00:24:03,693 --> 00:24:07,864
We recently discovered some
information about Miss New Jersey.

339
00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:11,701
And her performance in a little
film called <i>Arma Get It On.</i>

340
00:24:12,493 --> 00:24:13,870
Was that her?

341
00:24:14,203 --> 00:24:15,496
Oh, yeah!

342
00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:19,375
She was gonna drop out pretty soon,
if you know what I mean.

343
00:24:23,671 --> 00:24:26,049
Do you have an agent in mind?

344
00:24:30,845 --> 00:24:31,888
Sorry.

345
00:24:33,723 --> 00:24:36,476
Let me get you
Victor Melling's number.

346
00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:37,685
Frank.

347
00:24:37,894 --> 00:24:39,479
He's our pageant consultant.

348
00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:41,189
Frank.

349
00:24:41,731 --> 00:24:43,524
Maybe he can do something to help.

350
00:24:43,733 --> 00:24:44,734
Frank!

351
00:24:45,401 --> 00:24:47,320
Oh! Just one minute.

352
00:24:49,322 --> 00:24:51,157
This is my assistant, Frank Tobin.

353
00:24:51,532 --> 00:24:53,201
Hi, everyone.

354
00:24:53,409 --> 00:24:56,204
Would you get these people
Victor's number, please?

355
00:24:56,412 --> 00:24:57,747
And get me a spring water.

356
00:24:57,997 --> 00:24:59,582
And tuck in your shirt.

357
00:25:01,334 --> 00:25:03,920
That, that was...a water for you...

358
00:25:04,128 --> 00:25:05,421
...and...

359
00:25:05,672 --> 00:25:08,132
Victor Melling's number.

360
00:25:17,934 --> 00:25:20,103
Thank you. Thank you.

361
00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:24,524
Mr. Melting.

362
00:25:24,732 --> 00:25:25,775
How are you?

363
00:25:30,571 --> 00:25:34,075
If you are Grace Hart,
I quit here and now.

364
00:25:36,577 --> 00:25:38,371
I'm having a bad hair day.

365
00:25:39,163 --> 00:25:41,040
Bad hair decade, really.

366
00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:42,959
I'm Eric Matthews. We spoke.

367
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:44,794
Your hair is perfect.

368
00:25:44,961 --> 00:25:46,879
However, I can't accept this job.

369
00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:49,966
There's no way I can make
this woman ready in two days.

370
00:25:50,299 --> 00:25:53,720
Please, Mr. Melting,
give it a chance. Sit down.

371
00:25:53,928 --> 00:25:56,180
Have lunch. Totally on the Bureau.

372
00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:59,934
I suppose that would be
the civilized thing to do.

373
00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:05,314
I'll take a rain check.
I got to take care of some FBI stuff.

374
00:26:05,481 --> 00:26:08,317
That thing I told you
about that I gotta do.

375
00:26:08,484 --> 00:26:11,487
But I'll see you later.
We'll hang out. You like caps?

376
00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:14,323
I'll get you an official FBI cap.

377
00:26:14,991 --> 00:26:16,200
See you later.

378
00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:18,411
What a pity.

379
00:26:19,579 --> 00:26:21,497
- Are you hungry?
- Yeah.

380
00:26:21,706 --> 00:26:23,708
- Yes.
- Yeah.

381
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,336
It is always "yes,"
never "yeah." Sit down.

382
00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:32,633
Miss United States is always
well-spoken and polite.

383
00:26:32,842 --> 00:26:34,093
Do you understand?

384
00:26:34,302 --> 00:26:35,636
Watch the hands, <i>garcon.</i>

385
00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:37,472
- Excuse me.
- It's all right.

386
00:26:38,014 --> 00:26:41,184
I have a feeling we're going to need
a drop cloth later.

387
00:26:54,030 --> 00:26:56,449
Could I have another
cabernet sauvignon?

388
00:26:56,657 --> 00:26:58,201
Another keg for you?

389
00:26:58,618 --> 00:27:01,287
- I'm good, thanks.
- That's okay, Philip.

390
00:27:01,537 --> 00:27:05,208
So, how long have you been doing
this pageant-training thing?

391
00:27:05,374 --> 00:27:06,375
I'm sorry?

392
00:27:06,959 --> 00:27:11,380
What was the question? I was
distracted by a half-masticated cow...

393
00:27:11,631 --> 00:27:14,550
...rolling around
in your wide-open trap.

394
00:27:14,801 --> 00:27:16,552
Excuse me? What is your problem?

395
00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:17,887
- Problem?
- Yeah.

396
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:20,681
I mean, yes.
Have I offended you in some way?

397
00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:24,894
You've been completely antagonistic
to me from the second I walked in.

398
00:27:25,144 --> 00:27:27,855
I was once the most
sought-after, highly paid...

399
00:27:28,064 --> 00:27:30,191
...consultant in pageant history.

400
00:27:30,399 --> 00:27:32,401
I had no idea.

401
00:27:33,569 --> 00:27:37,406
Every season, girls would plead
with me to train them.

402
00:27:37,698 --> 00:27:39,867
Ten out of 11 years...

403
00:27:40,076 --> 00:27:42,078
...my girls were crowned.

404
00:27:42,328 --> 00:27:45,790
The year we lost,
the winner was a deaf-mute.

405
00:27:46,082 --> 00:27:47,708
You can't beat that.

406
00:27:50,253 --> 00:27:51,337
Then...

407
00:27:52,296 --> 00:27:53,923
...in '96...

408
00:27:54,340 --> 00:27:58,010
...my girl froze like a puddle halfway
through her aria from <i>La Bohème.</i>

409
00:27:58,553 --> 00:28:01,848
Afterwards, she told
a reporter from <i>Pageant Magazine...</i>

410
00:28:02,056 --> 00:28:03,808
...that I was a perfectionist...

411
00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:07,687
...who had harangued her
to within an inch of her sanity.

412
00:28:08,062 --> 00:28:11,440
Of course,
after that article came out...

413
00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:14,777
...nobody wanted me.

414
00:28:18,865 --> 00:28:21,617
Okay. With all due respect here...

415
00:28:21,868 --> 00:28:24,328
...why did Miss Morningside
suggest you?

416
00:28:24,579 --> 00:28:27,290
Because I am the best.

417
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:35,131
Or perhaps it's because everyone else
worth having had a contestant.

418
00:28:35,756 --> 00:28:39,719
They had their Southern belles,
their Midwestern farmers' daughters.

419
00:28:39,927 --> 00:28:42,847
Spunky Western cowgirls.

420
00:28:43,097 --> 00:28:44,140
And I have...

421
00:28:46,267 --> 00:28:47,768
...Dirty Harriet.

422
00:28:51,814 --> 00:28:53,566
Will you desist?

423
00:28:53,900 --> 00:28:54,942
Yeah.

424
00:28:55,151 --> 00:28:56,736
Yes.

425
00:29:01,949 --> 00:29:03,409
Oh, my God.

426
00:29:03,618 --> 00:29:05,828
I haven't seen a walk like that
since <i>Jurassic Park.</i>

427
00:29:05,995 --> 00:29:10,082
It's been working really well for me
for the past 30 years, all right?

428
00:29:10,291 --> 00:29:12,251
Well, glide, now. Glide.

429
00:29:13,794 --> 00:29:15,338
Don't look down, don't look down.

430
00:29:15,504 --> 00:29:20,092
Don't look down, look up. Your chin
should be parallel to the floor.

431
00:29:20,301 --> 00:29:21,886
Now glide. Glide.

432
00:29:22,637 --> 00:29:25,014
It's not the bloody <i>Ice Capades.</i>

433
00:29:25,264 --> 00:29:26,766
Gliding.

434
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:31,020
No, no. Don't pick your feet up.
Don't pick your feet up.

435
00:29:31,354 --> 00:29:32,772
Why are you picking your feet up?

436
00:29:33,022 --> 00:29:34,774
Because I'm preparing to run away.

437
00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:36,651
- No, wait. Wait.
- What?

438
00:29:36,817 --> 00:29:37,860
Watch me.

439
00:29:38,027 --> 00:29:39,779
Glide. Glide.

440
00:29:43,449 --> 00:29:45,117
See? Glide.

441
00:29:45,326 --> 00:29:48,037
It's all in the buttocks.
Don't I look pretty?

442
00:29:48,496 --> 00:29:51,207
It takes a very secure man
to walk like that.

443
00:29:55,127 --> 00:29:56,545
Roll your hips.

444
00:29:56,796 --> 00:29:59,632
Head up, head up. Keep gliding--

445
00:30:00,549 --> 00:30:01,842
I'm gliding here!

446
00:30:02,051 --> 00:30:03,135
What are you, blind?

447
00:30:03,344 --> 00:30:04,720
Asshole.

448
00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:42,591
Look how she walks. She's floating.

449
00:30:42,842 --> 00:30:46,178
Lightly ascending
from cloud to cloud...

450
00:30:46,554 --> 00:30:48,097
...towards heaven.

451
00:30:49,765 --> 00:30:52,018
He takes one look at that fake rack...

452
00:30:52,226 --> 00:30:54,103
...he's gonna send her right back.

453
00:30:57,064 --> 00:31:00,901
Look, she's gonna cry again.
"If I only had a brain!"

454
00:31:01,902 --> 00:31:04,572
I am somewhat less than amused.

455
00:31:12,455 --> 00:31:14,081
How's she doing?

456
00:31:15,291 --> 00:31:17,501
With some intensive work...

457
00:31:17,793 --> 00:31:21,047
...she'll be ready for the world's
finest trailer park.

458
00:31:22,006 --> 00:31:23,257
Thank you!

459
00:31:27,553 --> 00:31:29,138
Both painful...

460
00:31:29,388 --> 00:31:30,890
...and grotesque.

461
00:31:31,307 --> 00:31:32,641
Isn't it?

462
00:31:37,104 --> 00:31:38,773
Oh, my God!

463
00:31:48,991 --> 00:31:52,286
Mr. Vic, we got everything
you asked for. Where do we start?

464
00:31:52,495 --> 00:31:54,622
Teeth, hair, manicure, pedicure.

465
00:31:54,830 --> 00:31:56,040
Which one first?

466
00:31:56,290 --> 00:31:58,584
What are you gonna do to my teeth?

467
00:31:58,793 --> 00:32:02,171
Hopefully, remove the beer
stains and steak residue.

468
00:32:04,465 --> 00:32:06,175
Can't I get some Novocain?

469
00:32:06,425 --> 00:32:07,843
It's only a cleaning.

470
00:32:08,094 --> 00:32:10,346
Sweeney Todd, what are you doing?

471
00:32:10,638 --> 00:32:12,473
Your hair should make a statement.

472
00:32:12,681 --> 00:32:15,559
As long as it's not,
"Thanks for the Country Music Award."

473
00:32:15,768 --> 00:32:17,853
You'll be lucky
if I can get it untangled.

474
00:32:18,062 --> 00:32:19,105
No mercy.

475
00:32:19,313 --> 00:32:20,523
Can I borrow that drill?

476
00:32:23,109 --> 00:32:25,277
<i>Attention. Attention.</i>

477
00:32:25,528 --> 00:32:29,698
<i>All hair removal units,
wax, electrolysis, laser...</i>

478
00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:32,952
<i>...to commence at 2300 hours.</i>

479
00:32:39,083 --> 00:32:40,126
Hello. Ah!

480
00:32:54,890 --> 00:32:56,058
Bikini wax.

481
00:33:07,695 --> 00:33:09,113
How you doing?

482
00:33:09,321 --> 00:33:10,865
Ever seen one this big?

483
00:33:11,073 --> 00:33:12,616
Sandwich, I mean.

484
00:33:13,033 --> 00:33:14,827
That's a lot of meat.

485
00:33:19,331 --> 00:33:20,749
Thank you!

486
00:33:21,041 --> 00:33:23,419
Nobody said this job was easy.

487
00:33:26,672 --> 00:33:29,216
Mm, mm, mm.

488
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:41,395
This earpiece lets you hear anybody
on our frequencies.

489
00:33:41,645 --> 00:33:44,440
I don't need it. With all this foil,
I'm getting HBO.

490
00:33:45,858 --> 00:33:47,276
This is a pin camera.

491
00:33:47,526 --> 00:33:49,445
There's an actual lens in there.

492
00:33:49,653 --> 00:33:52,531
It provides a digital video
feed to our hookups.

493
00:33:53,407 --> 00:33:55,201
Here's your new IDs.

494
00:33:55,409 --> 00:33:57,536
Pageant identity.

495
00:33:58,412 --> 00:34:00,039
Gracie Lou Freebush?

496
00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:01,749
I remembered you liked that.

497
00:34:01,957 --> 00:34:05,252
Well, my IQ just dropped 10 points.

498
00:34:08,797 --> 00:34:11,300
More...fluffy.

499
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,595
Eyebrows. There should be two.

500
00:34:19,642 --> 00:34:21,810
Another two coats. And a sealant.

501
00:34:22,269 --> 00:34:23,604
Unbelievable.

502
00:34:25,481 --> 00:34:29,109
Where the hell is she? What could
possibly be taking this long?

503
00:35:03,185 --> 00:35:04,687
Hart, is that you?

504
00:35:04,853 --> 00:35:08,023
I'm in a dress, I have gel in my hair,
I haven't slept...

505
00:35:08,274 --> 00:35:11,610
...I'm starved and I'm armed.
Don't mess with me.

506
00:35:12,027 --> 00:35:13,362
Ooh.

507
00:35:14,863 --> 00:35:17,116
I'm fine. I'm cool. I'm good.

508
00:35:18,325 --> 00:35:21,954
Yeah, that's her.
Mr. Vic, nice work!

509
00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:23,330
Thank you.

510
00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:26,250
My God, I'm good.

511
00:36:04,747 --> 00:36:06,874
<i>Okay, Gracie Lou, listen up.</i>

512
00:36:07,291 --> 00:36:09,710
"Operation Thong" has commenced.

513
00:36:11,045 --> 00:36:12,838
Why don't you stun-gun yourself?

514
00:36:13,505 --> 00:36:15,382
I knew she'd like that one.

515
00:36:16,592 --> 00:36:17,801
Victor?

516
00:36:18,302 --> 00:36:20,054
Try not to speak.

517
00:36:20,763 --> 00:36:22,097
Victor!

518
00:36:23,057 --> 00:36:25,100
Miss Morningside, if it's possible...

519
00:36:25,351 --> 00:36:27,436
...you look more radiant than ever.

520
00:36:28,437 --> 00:36:31,065
Then I guess it's possible.
Hello.

521
00:36:31,398 --> 00:36:32,441
Hi.

522
00:36:34,568 --> 00:36:35,611
Miss Hart?!

523
00:36:36,236 --> 00:36:38,072
I mean, Miss Freebush.

524
00:36:39,198 --> 00:36:43,118
Victor, I see you haven't
completely lost your touch.

525
00:36:43,369 --> 00:36:45,245
You look absolutely perfect.

526
00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:48,874
And you're just in time
for the orientation breakfast.

527
00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:51,335
You'll take the bags to the room?

528
00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:53,754
It's been a while
since you've been with us...

529
00:36:53,962 --> 00:36:56,256
...but you remember
how everything goes.

530
00:36:57,091 --> 00:37:00,260
One little mistake
and I'm a bloody bellhop.

531
00:37:01,929 --> 00:37:04,139
Ohio. Oh-hi-yo!

532
00:37:04,431 --> 00:37:06,392
Washington. Nice apples.

533
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,561
Original. You come up with that
all by yourself?

534
00:37:11,146 --> 00:37:13,732
- Miss Freebush!
- I got it. I got it.

535
00:37:13,941 --> 00:37:15,984
New Jersey? Welcome.

536
00:37:27,454 --> 00:37:30,124
- Who's she?
- Have you seen her before?

537
00:37:33,585 --> 00:37:36,296
Oh, hey, New Jersey?
This one's empty.

538
00:37:38,674 --> 00:37:39,758
Thanks.

539
00:37:39,967 --> 00:37:42,511
- I'm Cheryl from Rhode Island.
- Hi, I'm--

540
00:37:42,678 --> 00:37:46,432
Gracie Lou Freebush. I memorized
the orientation pamphlet.

541
00:37:46,682 --> 00:37:49,351
I know all 49 ladies
by name and picture.

542
00:37:49,518 --> 00:37:51,270
Fifty, including myself.

543
00:37:51,478 --> 00:37:55,649
Your picture wasn't there, so I knew
it was you from your lack of picture.

544
00:37:56,942 --> 00:38:00,279
How about a little song for the drive?

545
00:38:00,487 --> 00:38:02,990
I think you know the one I mean.

546
00:38:04,324 --> 00:38:07,828
<i>From sea to shining sea</i>

547
00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:11,457
<i>Like Lady Liberty</i>

548
00:38:11,665 --> 00:38:16,503
<i>She reigns over all she sees</i>

549
00:38:17,337 --> 00:38:20,924
<i>She's beauty and she's grace</i>

550
00:38:21,133 --> 00:38:23,469
<i>She's Miss United States</i>

551
00:38:28,015 --> 00:38:29,475
Entering Barbie-town.

552
00:38:29,683 --> 00:38:31,143
We're up and running.

553
00:38:31,351 --> 00:38:33,020
I love my job!

554
00:38:33,228 --> 00:38:35,022
- Not a bad view.
- Not at all.

555
00:38:35,230 --> 00:38:37,691
There's our table!

556
00:38:37,983 --> 00:38:39,943
I got here three days early
so I could--

557
00:38:40,152 --> 00:38:42,905
Look at all the hoochie mama!

558
00:38:43,071 --> 00:38:44,364
Not the pastry!

559
00:38:46,241 --> 00:38:51,079
Ladies, I would like you to meet
Gracie Lou Freebush from New Jersey.

560
00:38:51,330 --> 00:38:53,540
Karen Krantz, New York.

561
00:38:53,749 --> 00:38:55,042
What's up, Jersey?

562
00:38:55,250 --> 00:38:58,086
- Mary Jo Wright, Texas.
- Hi there.

563
00:38:58,253 --> 00:39:00,339
<i>- Belinda Brown, Tennessee.
- Hi.</i>

564
00:39:00,547 --> 00:39:01,757
- I like that!
- Oh, yeah!

565
00:39:02,257 --> 00:39:04,092
Leslie Davis, California.

566
00:39:04,259 --> 00:39:05,344
Hey, girl.

567
00:39:05,552 --> 00:39:07,846
And Alana Krewson, Hawaii.

568
00:39:08,263 --> 00:39:09,264
<i>Aloha.</i>

569
00:39:09,515 --> 00:39:10,891
<i>Aloha</i> to you too!

570
00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:15,771
I want you all to know, I believe what
it says on the sign at the Alamodome.

571
00:39:15,979 --> 00:39:17,606
We are all winners.

572
00:39:17,981 --> 00:39:20,442
Hey, Hart! You think she's hungry?

573
00:39:20,609 --> 00:39:24,112
Most important, we're getting our
issues out there for people to hear.

574
00:39:24,279 --> 00:39:27,032
And it's an honor
to have made it this far.

575
00:39:27,241 --> 00:39:29,701
Especially when you're
from a small state--

576
00:39:29,952 --> 00:39:31,578
That's so true!

577
00:39:31,787 --> 00:39:34,206
- Us Rhode Islanders--
- I wasn't finished.

578
00:39:36,250 --> 00:39:37,543
Did it sound like I was?

579
00:39:37,751 --> 00:39:38,877
I'm sorry.

580
00:39:39,086 --> 00:39:41,296
Why are you apologizing to her?

581
00:39:41,505 --> 00:39:43,549
She's been drinking
too much Coppertone.

582
00:39:43,757 --> 00:39:46,260
- Are you talking to me?
- Yeah, I am.

583
00:39:47,261 --> 00:39:48,303
Question:

584
00:39:49,471 --> 00:39:53,016
In Hawaii, don't you use <i>"Aloha"</i>
for hello and goodbye?

585
00:39:53,559 --> 00:39:54,977
So?

586
00:39:55,644 --> 00:39:58,897
If you're on the phone with
someone who won't stop talking...

587
00:39:59,106 --> 00:40:01,567
...and you say <i>"aloha,"</i>
don't they start again?

588
00:40:08,282 --> 00:40:10,325
At least she thinks I'm funny.

589
00:40:10,993 --> 00:40:12,911
Hart? Hart, do you copy?

590
00:40:14,037 --> 00:40:16,331
- What's up?
- I don't know. It's not working.

591
00:40:16,540 --> 00:40:20,168
- It worked five minutes ago.
- Who put it together?

592
00:40:25,132 --> 00:40:27,259
Check one, check one--

593
00:40:29,678 --> 00:40:32,264
Thank you so much. Thank you.

594
00:40:32,973 --> 00:40:34,600
For the past 21 years...

595
00:40:34,808 --> 00:40:38,186
...it has been my honor to serve
as director of this pageant.

596
00:40:38,353 --> 00:40:42,024
And I know that this year will be
our most exciting event ever!

597
00:40:45,319 --> 00:40:47,571
Couple of geniuses I'm working with.

598
00:40:47,779 --> 00:40:51,783
After the rehearsal and a photo shoot,
you can settle into your rooms.

599
00:40:51,992 --> 00:40:55,370
Tomorrow we will
begin the preliminaries...

600
00:40:55,621 --> 00:40:58,040
...hosted by our
master of ceremonies...

601
00:40:58,206 --> 00:41:01,168
...an American institution,
Stan Fields.

602
00:41:06,340 --> 00:41:08,884
Thank you! Oh, thank you, Kathy!

603
00:41:10,469 --> 00:41:12,554
Let's go! Get it back online!

604
00:41:12,721 --> 00:41:14,222
- We're working on it.
- We're trying.

605
00:41:14,473 --> 00:41:15,974
Thank you, Kathy.

606
00:41:16,224 --> 00:41:18,393
Isn't she ravishing?!

607
00:41:19,561 --> 00:41:21,521
How does she do it?

608
00:41:21,730 --> 00:41:26,610
I look in the mirror and say,
"Who's that old man in my pajamas?"

609
00:41:29,821 --> 00:41:34,159
And even though I'll be
retiring this year...

610
00:41:36,161 --> 00:41:38,914
Well, don't cry for me...Alabama.

611
00:41:39,623 --> 00:41:42,417
That's so sad. He's retiring.

612
00:41:42,668 --> 00:41:44,419
He's not retiring.

613
00:41:44,670 --> 00:41:47,631
I spoke to him this morning,
and he blurted it out.

614
00:41:47,839 --> 00:41:52,219
They're firing him, going
for someone newer and younger.

615
00:41:53,220 --> 00:41:55,555
I hope it's Ricky Martin.

616
00:41:56,431 --> 00:41:57,766
Hey, hey, hey.

617
00:42:00,185 --> 00:42:01,728
Jesus Christ!

618
00:42:03,146 --> 00:42:04,189
Oh.

619
00:42:07,442 --> 00:42:09,403
Oh, I uh...

620
00:42:10,529 --> 00:42:14,741
I'm sorry. I had a bite of my bagel
and I forgot to pray.

621
00:42:18,578 --> 00:42:20,789
Dear Jesus, please forgive me...

622
00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:24,543
...for not praying before I had
a bite of my bagel and schmeer.

623
00:42:24,751 --> 00:42:26,044
<i>Thank you very much.</i>

624
00:42:26,545 --> 00:42:27,796
Amen.

625
00:43:25,353 --> 00:43:26,354
- Hi!
- Hi.

626
00:43:26,605 --> 00:43:28,356
I hope I'm not disturbing you.

627
00:43:28,607 --> 00:43:31,026
Oh, no, I was just, you know...

628
00:43:31,359 --> 00:43:32,527
...grooming.

629
00:43:32,778 --> 00:43:35,530
I made some of my famous
hot chocolate.

630
00:43:38,492 --> 00:43:39,868
Oh, um...

631
00:43:40,744 --> 00:43:44,623
My roommate's asleep,
or she's starting to mold.

632
00:43:45,373 --> 00:43:47,542
But do you want to come in?

633
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,679
I asked some of the other girls...

634
00:43:59,888 --> 00:44:02,891
...but when they heard "chocolate"
they slammed their doors.

635
00:44:03,183 --> 00:44:05,894
They didn't give me a chance
to say "nonfat."

636
00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:09,147
Well, here's to...

637
00:44:09,856 --> 00:44:11,274
...world peace.

638
00:44:11,775 --> 00:44:13,318
World peace.

639
00:44:15,362 --> 00:44:16,571
Mmm.

640
00:44:18,698 --> 00:44:19,783
Mm.

641
00:44:20,367 --> 00:44:21,409
Hot.

642
00:44:21,576 --> 00:44:22,744
I'm sorry.

643
00:44:23,495 --> 00:44:25,080
I have to tell you...

644
00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:29,668
...I thought it was really great
how you settled that argument today.

645
00:44:30,001 --> 00:44:31,920
<i>"Aloha, aloha."</i>

646
00:44:32,087 --> 00:44:33,839
That's why you're gonna win.

647
00:44:34,339 --> 00:44:35,924
You're so clever.

648
00:44:36,091 --> 00:44:39,553
You should tell jokes for your talent.
What is your talent?

649
00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:43,181
It's-- It's kind of like...

650
00:44:43,557 --> 00:44:46,309
It's, you know,
it's like a surprise.

651
00:44:46,601 --> 00:44:48,353
- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.

652
00:44:48,562 --> 00:44:51,189
But don't worry,
it's nothing embarrassing.

653
00:44:51,606 --> 00:44:54,734
Not anything like baton twirling
or anything.

654
00:44:56,820 --> 00:44:58,947
So, what's your talent?

655
00:45:01,408 --> 00:45:03,702
Oh, Cheryl, I'm sorry.

656
00:45:04,953 --> 00:45:07,831
Twirling can be a real art.

657
00:45:08,039 --> 00:45:11,543
I saw this cheerleader doing it
at a football game.

658
00:45:11,751 --> 00:45:15,630
She lit her batons on fire
and did this sexy dance.

659
00:45:15,839 --> 00:45:17,799
I wish I could do something like that.

660
00:45:17,966 --> 00:45:19,050
Why can't you?

661
00:45:19,301 --> 00:45:22,053
My parents don't like
anything ostentatious.

662
00:45:22,304 --> 00:45:24,598
And they really don't like fire.

663
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:30,979
Cheryl, I think you have as good
a chance as anyone to win.

664
00:45:31,229 --> 00:45:34,232
You believe in yourself
to have gotten this far, right?

665
00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:36,651
- Really?
- Yeah.

666
00:45:37,569 --> 00:45:38,612
Wow.

667
00:45:39,905 --> 00:45:43,491
You're so nice and so smart
and so sensitive.

668
00:45:43,658 --> 00:45:45,410
You're definitely gonna win.

669
00:45:45,577 --> 00:45:46,620
That's it.

670
00:45:47,078 --> 00:45:51,082
Excuse me. I am in the middle
of a REM cycle over here.

671
00:45:51,291 --> 00:45:52,918
- Sorry.
- I'm sorry.

672
00:46:10,393 --> 00:46:11,937
Yes.

673
00:46:24,449 --> 00:46:26,534
Not happening.

674
00:46:30,956 --> 00:46:32,874
- What?
- You took your earpiece out.

675
00:46:33,041 --> 00:46:34,626
- Vic needs you.
- Now?

676
00:46:34,834 --> 00:46:37,504
- I haven't slept in two days!
- I'll give you a cookie.

677
00:46:37,963 --> 00:46:39,923
It better be a big one.

678
00:46:42,217 --> 00:46:44,636
You don't walk, you float.

679
00:46:44,844 --> 00:46:47,973
Gently descending,
you don't look down.

680
00:46:48,181 --> 00:46:51,977
Go back up and do it again.
Never, ever look down, okay?

681
00:46:52,185 --> 00:46:54,312
Thighs touching...

682
00:46:55,146 --> 00:46:57,232
- Touching, not clenching.
- I'm touching.

683
00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:01,444
There's a gap between knees and calves,
your calves and your ankles.

684
00:47:01,653 --> 00:47:05,240
Right now there's a huge gap between
my brain and my spinal cord.

685
00:47:06,866 --> 00:47:08,576
Here. Take these.

686
00:47:27,262 --> 00:47:28,888
What, no armored car?

687
00:47:29,180 --> 00:47:31,182
That would be in my other dress.

688
00:47:31,850 --> 00:47:35,937
What are you planning to do
for your talent? Sing? Dance?

689
00:47:36,271 --> 00:47:38,106
Chew with your mouth closed?

690
00:47:38,273 --> 00:47:40,608
I'll do whatever you want, Yoda.

691
00:47:40,775 --> 00:47:42,235
Oh, Lord.

692
00:47:43,862 --> 00:47:45,196
Agent Matthews!

693
00:47:45,530 --> 00:47:49,367
- This woman has no talent!
- Don't shout it in front of her.

694
00:47:49,576 --> 00:47:53,204
I wasn't told to provide a talent.
I can't do so in the next five hours!

695
00:47:53,496 --> 00:47:54,539
Wait a minute.

696
00:47:54,706 --> 00:47:56,124
What are you talking about?

697
00:47:56,291 --> 00:47:58,793
She'll be on-stage
with nothing to do...

698
00:47:59,044 --> 00:48:01,546
...but convert oxygen
into carbon dioxide!

699
00:48:01,796 --> 00:48:06,134
You said you couldn't make her pretty
in two days, but she's gorgeous.

700
00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:08,970
Compared to the car wreck
she was before.

701
00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:12,640
My duties are stated in a contract,
and I have fulfilled them.

702
00:48:12,807 --> 00:48:15,727
- You talent her up by tomorrow or--
- Are you threatening me?

703
00:48:15,935 --> 00:48:19,314
- Listen to me, you old fruitcake!
- How dare you, you cupcake!

704
00:48:19,564 --> 00:48:23,735
There's something I know how to do.
I haven't done it since high school--

705
00:48:23,943 --> 00:48:27,530
- You're not having sex on this stage.
- I didn't know it was an option.

706
00:48:27,739 --> 00:48:30,408
This thing,
I just have to call room service.

707
00:48:30,992 --> 00:48:32,160
Miss Hart.

708
00:48:32,410 --> 00:48:33,661
Please.

709
00:48:37,290 --> 00:48:39,459
Thank you. And the other one.

710
00:48:42,253 --> 00:48:43,338
Thank you.

711
00:48:50,345 --> 00:48:52,138
All right, all right, all right.

712
00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:56,142
Happy, you doughnut Nazi?

713
00:49:34,848 --> 00:49:37,600
Did I tell you Stan Fields
was getting fired?

714
00:49:37,851 --> 00:49:41,354
I'm on it. You just concentrate
on being Gracie Lou, all right.

715
00:49:42,147 --> 00:49:44,732
And by the way,
you're doing a great job.

716
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,694
I thought the evening gown looked...

717
00:49:48,820 --> 00:49:51,739
- I totally bought it.
- I know, you think I'm gorgeous.

718
00:49:51,990 --> 00:49:53,491
I don't think you're gorgeous.

719
00:49:53,825 --> 00:49:56,494
You think I'm gorgeous.

720
00:49:56,744 --> 00:49:59,122
You want to kiss me.

721
00:49:59,330 --> 00:50:00,915
You want to hug me--

722
00:50:01,166 --> 00:50:03,626
McDonald's more feminine.
I'd rather kiss him.

723
00:50:03,877 --> 00:50:07,213
- -love me.
You want to hug me.

724
00:50:07,422 --> 00:50:09,048
You want to smooch me.

725
00:50:19,017 --> 00:50:20,685
Enjoy the rest of your night.

726
00:50:34,657 --> 00:50:36,868
Gracie, you look so tired.

727
00:50:37,452 --> 00:50:39,537
Oh, she had a busy night.

728
00:50:39,746 --> 00:50:42,707
<i>I saw that gentleman stop by the room.</i>

729
00:50:42,874 --> 00:50:43,917
<i>Gentleman?</i>

730
00:50:44,125 --> 00:50:45,960
Uh-huh.

731
00:50:46,419 --> 00:50:50,298
- No men in the room.
- It's different on the mainland.

732
00:50:50,465 --> 00:50:53,593
Hold on, ladies. Let's hear
her side of the story.

733
00:50:53,885 --> 00:50:55,303
You sleeping with a judge?

734
00:50:57,805 --> 00:50:59,182
Oh.

735
00:50:59,599 --> 00:51:01,976
Oh, that guy? No.

736
00:51:02,227 --> 00:51:05,688
No, no, I was dating him
for a little while because...

737
00:51:05,897 --> 00:51:08,191
...he said he had
an incurable disease.

738
00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:13,696
I didn't realize it was stupidity.

739
00:51:13,905 --> 00:51:16,074
<i>- Oh, I know what that's like.</i>
- All right.

740
00:51:16,282 --> 00:51:17,951
He is such a pathetic loser.

741
00:51:18,159 --> 00:51:22,121
I'm sorry he's obsessed with me,
but at some point it's like, "Hello!"

742
00:51:22,330 --> 00:51:25,124
<i>"Move on! Get over yourself!"</i>

743
00:51:25,833 --> 00:51:27,710
<i>His ego is this big.</i>

744
00:51:27,919 --> 00:51:30,505
But his equipment is like this big!

745
00:51:31,673 --> 00:51:34,008
Good cover!
We worked that out together.

746
00:51:34,342 --> 00:51:36,010
<i>Use it for a needle.</i>

747
00:51:36,219 --> 00:51:38,429
Back to work.
Get ready for the Alamo.

748
00:51:40,139 --> 00:51:42,267
Thank you. Thank you.

749
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:47,272
And welcome to
the Miss United States Preliminary...

750
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:50,775
...here at the beautiful
and historical Alamo!

751
00:51:53,361 --> 00:51:55,488
Prepare for what promises to be...

752
00:51:55,697 --> 00:51:59,617
...a day of astounding musical,
theatrical and dancing talent.

753
00:51:59,826 --> 00:52:02,537
And after I'm finished,
you can see the ladies.

754
00:52:02,745 --> 00:52:03,788
Oh, yes!

755
00:52:06,332 --> 00:52:07,959
And now, put it together...

756
00:52:08,167 --> 00:52:11,796
...for Miss Mary Jo Wright from Texas!

757
00:52:14,257 --> 00:52:19,053
<i>You light up my life</i>

758
00:52:49,208 --> 00:52:51,044
What's her talent, bartending?

759
00:53:15,943 --> 00:53:20,907
I made it very clear you weren't
responsible for making her credible.

760
00:53:23,701 --> 00:53:25,953
I wish I could explain...

761
00:53:26,412 --> 00:53:28,873
...but there are no words.

762
00:53:41,928 --> 00:53:43,262
Eagle-Eye.

763
00:53:44,138 --> 00:53:46,849
You might want to check out
cowboy at 1 :00.

764
00:53:47,809 --> 00:53:50,103
My 1 :00 or your 1 :00?

765
00:53:50,353 --> 00:53:52,647
The one under the white Stetson.

766
00:53:52,897 --> 00:53:54,982
There's Stetsons everywhere.

767
00:53:58,277 --> 00:53:59,570
He's moving, he's moving.

768
00:53:59,946 --> 00:54:02,949
- Toward the stage.
- Hold on, we're checking it out.

769
00:54:03,574 --> 00:54:04,617
Guys.

770
00:54:09,455 --> 00:54:11,874
Guys, he has a gun. He has a gun.

771
00:54:12,792 --> 00:54:15,169
<i>Who's got the 20 on the shooter?</i>

772
00:54:17,296 --> 00:54:18,381
I'm taking him out.

773
00:54:18,589 --> 00:54:20,007
Wait for a visual!

774
00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:24,679
Gun! Gun! Everybody down!

775
00:54:28,641 --> 00:54:31,185
Better up to them, don't you think?

776
00:54:32,979 --> 00:54:36,274
<i>In a bizarre incident at
the Miss United States Preliminaries...</i>

777
00:54:36,482 --> 00:54:39,610
<i>...the contestant from New Jersey
leapt off-stage...</i>

778
00:54:39,819 --> 00:54:43,781
<i>...and tackled a man in the crowd
who was trying to light a cigarette.</i>

779
00:54:43,990 --> 00:54:46,409
<i>She's here with me right now.</i>

780
00:54:46,617 --> 00:54:49,954
<i>What were you thinking when you
jumped off the stage?</i>

781
00:54:50,163 --> 00:54:54,625
<i>All the contestants are actively
involved in ending tobacco dependence.</i>

782
00:54:54,834 --> 00:54:59,380
<i>I think the gentleman will think twice
before he lights up again.</i>

783
00:54:59,547 --> 00:55:01,299
<i>I'm sure we all will.</i>

784
00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:08,055
- Look, he had a gun.
- Of course.

785
00:55:08,306 --> 00:55:09,932
This is Texas, everyone has a gun.

786
00:55:10,141 --> 00:55:11,726
My florist has a gun.

787
00:55:12,018 --> 00:55:13,144
I don't have a gun.

788
00:55:13,394 --> 00:55:15,021
My ancestors were Quakers.

789
00:55:15,229 --> 00:55:17,190
Stan, please!

790
00:55:17,523 --> 00:55:20,151
We assume any man
with a weapon is a suspect.

791
00:55:20,359 --> 00:55:21,986
We got the DNA results.

792
00:55:22,195 --> 00:55:25,323
The envelope from the Citizen
was licked by a woman.

793
00:55:25,573 --> 00:55:27,366
There's never been DNA before.

794
00:55:27,909 --> 00:55:30,244
He slipped up, or I should say "she."

795
00:55:30,495 --> 00:55:32,163
This is preposterous.

796
00:55:32,538 --> 00:55:34,582
You people are completely clueless.

797
00:55:34,832 --> 00:55:38,211
If I ran my pageant like this, we'd be
holding it in someone's basement!

798
00:55:38,419 --> 00:55:41,547
Every operation is bound
to have its screw ups.

799
00:55:41,756 --> 00:55:44,217
As far as I can see,
she's still with us.

800
00:55:45,718 --> 00:55:46,886
Oh, God!

801
00:55:47,094 --> 00:55:50,264
Could I have a moment alone
with Miss Hart, please?

802
00:55:50,473 --> 00:55:51,599
Sure.

803
00:55:54,727 --> 00:55:56,395
Just for a tiny minute.

804
00:55:56,729 --> 00:55:59,232
We'll just be a moment.
Shop talk.

805
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:00,525
Hair, gel, mousse.

806
00:56:02,944 --> 00:56:06,447
Look, I know I made a mistake.
I'm sorry.

807
00:56:09,116 --> 00:56:13,037
I've been fighting all my life
against your type.

808
00:56:13,246 --> 00:56:16,249
The ones who think we're
a bunch of worthless airheads.

809
00:56:16,791 --> 00:56:18,042
You know who I mean.

810
00:56:18,292 --> 00:56:19,627
Feminists...

811
00:56:19,877 --> 00:56:21,379
...intellectuals...

812
00:56:21,587 --> 00:56:22,713
...ugly women.

813
00:56:23,256 --> 00:56:25,633
I refuse to give in to their cynicism.

814
00:56:26,008 --> 00:56:30,471
That's why I have dedicated
my entire life to this scholarship.

815
00:56:31,138 --> 00:56:32,765
No one's going to ruin that.

816
00:56:33,766 --> 00:56:35,142
Not this year.

817
00:56:36,018 --> 00:56:38,563
You get in my way, I will kill you.

818
00:56:40,231 --> 00:56:41,524
Do you understand?

819
00:56:42,608 --> 00:56:43,651
Yeah.

820
00:56:43,901 --> 00:56:45,653
- Yes!
- Yes.

821
00:56:55,663 --> 00:56:56,664
Frank!

822
00:56:57,623 --> 00:57:02,253
The interview is the single most
important part of the pageant.

823
00:57:02,461 --> 00:57:05,172
It accounts for 30%
of your total score.

824
00:57:05,339 --> 00:57:07,675
What's the other 70%, cleavage?

825
00:57:09,510 --> 00:57:13,139
Is this your idea of doing final preps
on the convention center?

826
00:57:13,764 --> 00:57:16,976
Look. Liberace's got her
in a nice evening gown.

827
00:57:17,435 --> 00:57:21,939
McDonald called. He saw Hart's anti-
smoking commercial. He's on his way.

828
00:57:22,189 --> 00:57:25,651
Good, perfect. I'd hate for him
to fire me over the phone.

829
00:57:25,860 --> 00:57:26,944
I can't believe this!

830
00:57:27,111 --> 00:57:28,154
It'll be ugly.

831
00:57:28,362 --> 00:57:29,363
No shit.

832
00:57:29,864 --> 00:57:32,199
I gotta do something.
I'm gonna go do laps.

833
00:57:32,366 --> 00:57:34,994
We'll go over tomorrow's assignments.

834
00:57:35,202 --> 00:57:36,329
You got it.

835
00:57:36,621 --> 00:57:37,997
<i>Hands folded...</i>

836
00:57:38,706 --> 00:57:40,625
...ankles crossed.

837
00:57:40,833 --> 00:57:41,959
Neck up!

838
00:57:42,168 --> 00:57:44,170
And remember, smile.

839
00:57:44,378 --> 00:57:48,007
Smilers wear a crown,
losers wear a frown.

840
00:57:48,341 --> 00:57:51,052
I would so love to hurt you right now.

841
00:57:51,218 --> 00:57:53,721
As long as you smile.

842
00:57:54,221 --> 00:57:55,222
Now...

843
00:57:55,723 --> 00:57:58,100
Why is New Jersey called...

844
00:57:58,392 --> 00:57:59,518
...the Garden State?

845
00:57:59,727 --> 00:58:04,231
You can't fit "Oil and petrochemical
refinery state" on a license plate?

846
00:58:04,482 --> 00:58:06,901
I don't appreciate your immaturity...

847
00:58:07,151 --> 00:58:09,070
...when I'm working as hard as I am.

848
00:58:09,236 --> 00:58:12,865
What's the big deal?
It's fixed, I'm in the top five.

849
00:58:13,074 --> 00:58:14,992
Congratulations to me.

850
00:58:15,201 --> 00:58:19,914
Is that enough? Have you no pride
in yourself, in your presentation?

851
00:58:20,206 --> 00:58:24,126
I'm an FBI agent, right? I'm not
a performing monkey in heels.

852
00:58:24,335 --> 00:58:26,921
You're also a person,
and an incomplete one at that!

853
00:58:27,171 --> 00:58:30,758
In place of friends and relationships,
you have sarcasm and a gun.

854
00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:32,134
Oh, I have sarcasm?

855
00:58:32,343 --> 00:58:35,846
When every word that comes out of your
mouth is dripping with disdain?

856
00:58:36,138 --> 00:58:40,601
That is because I am a miserable,
grumpy elitist, and that works for me.

857
00:58:40,768 --> 00:58:43,646
I don't have relationships
because I don't want them.

858
00:58:43,854 --> 00:58:47,441
And I don't have friends
because I work 24-7.

859
00:58:47,650 --> 00:58:50,945
And you have no idea why I am
the way that I am.

860
00:58:51,195 --> 00:58:54,281
As we're practicing interviews,
why are you the way you are?

861
00:58:54,532 --> 00:58:56,242
None of your damn business.

862
00:58:56,450 --> 00:58:59,286
The judges probably have
never heard that before.

863
00:58:59,453 --> 00:59:01,455
We have more to do here.

864
00:59:03,457 --> 00:59:05,418
No, we are finished.

865
00:59:06,794 --> 00:59:08,170
Finished.

866
00:59:10,715 --> 00:59:13,968
- <i>Give me a 20 on Matthews.</i>
- Be advised he's at the pool.

867
00:59:17,722 --> 00:59:19,974
"How do you feel about gun control?"

868
00:59:20,307 --> 00:59:21,684
Favorable.

869
00:59:30,818 --> 00:59:33,571
Thought I'd let you know
I was quitting. Take care.

870
00:59:34,238 --> 00:59:36,073
Hold on. Wait a minute.

871
00:59:36,699 --> 00:59:39,827
- What do you mean?
- I mean, you got the wrong girl.

872
00:59:39,994 --> 00:59:41,078
All right?

873
00:59:41,287 --> 00:59:42,413
I do not need this now.

874
00:59:42,663 --> 00:59:46,333
That's what I'm saying!
I'm totally screwing up in there!

875
00:59:46,500 --> 00:59:48,794
I don't feel
like a real agent anymore.

876
00:59:49,003 --> 00:59:51,505
I mean, Vic says
this thing that's so...

877
00:59:52,089 --> 00:59:55,301
I don't care what he said, you know?
I don't care.

878
00:59:55,509 --> 00:59:57,011
Because I am the job...

879
00:59:57,261 --> 00:59:59,805
...and I'm okay with that.
You're the job?

880
01:00:00,264 --> 01:00:02,349
Yeah, I'm the job.
We're all the job.

881
01:00:02,516 --> 01:00:04,477
Then what's wrong with me?

882
01:00:04,685 --> 01:00:08,355
I date. I know everyone thinks
I haven't had a date in 10 years.

883
01:00:08,606 --> 01:00:09,857
Is that what you think?

884
01:00:10,733 --> 01:00:12,026
I think you date.

885
01:00:12,276 --> 01:00:13,778
Damn right I do.

886
01:00:14,278 --> 01:00:16,322
But both times it was screwed up.

887
01:00:17,531 --> 01:00:19,867
I don't even care.
All I want to do...

888
01:00:20,117 --> 01:00:21,952
...is my job.

889
01:00:22,203 --> 01:00:25,372
For the last three days
I feel like I'm completely lost.

890
01:00:25,623 --> 01:00:28,375
I've been waiting five years
to run my own op.

891
01:00:28,626 --> 01:00:31,670
- Would I blow it on the wrong girl?
- You picked me...

892
01:00:31,879 --> 01:00:34,840
...because I looked good
and wasn't on maternity leave.

893
01:00:35,049 --> 01:00:38,052
No, that's why they let me pick you.
Know why?

894
01:00:38,302 --> 01:00:40,054
- Lost a bet.
- You're smart...

895
01:00:40,262 --> 01:00:44,683
...and funny and you're easy
to talk to when you're unarmed.

896
01:00:45,643 --> 01:00:48,813
Give yourself a break
and cut Vic some slack.

897
01:00:49,021 --> 01:00:51,482
Because if they see
what I see, then...

898
01:00:52,858 --> 01:00:54,068
...they'll love you.

899
01:00:58,072 --> 01:00:59,406
So, what do you say?

900
01:01:05,788 --> 01:01:07,081
I won't let you down.

901
01:01:07,373 --> 01:01:09,083
Good, that's what I want to hear.

902
01:01:09,291 --> 01:01:12,336
In all honesty, I might let you down.

903
01:01:12,586 --> 01:01:15,798
But I'll try my best not to.

904
01:01:19,051 --> 01:01:20,511
Do not mess with the dress.

905
01:01:27,268 --> 01:01:29,937
Oh, Vic is gonna kill you.

906
01:01:30,938 --> 01:01:32,565
You in big trouble.

907
01:01:32,773 --> 01:01:34,400
Why? You fell.

908
01:01:34,608 --> 01:01:36,110
- You look good wet.
- Shut up!

909
01:01:50,124 --> 01:01:53,127
Whoa, guys, Hart's
in the dressing room. Come on.

910
01:01:53,335 --> 01:01:56,463
- You see the legs on that girl?
- Who's your daddy?

911
01:02:12,479 --> 01:02:14,148
Those better be candy dishes!

912
01:02:14,648 --> 01:02:15,649
Turn around.

913
01:02:18,152 --> 01:02:19,486
Open.

914
01:02:21,071 --> 01:02:23,490
This guy's like an inch from death!

915
01:02:24,783 --> 01:02:26,911
But what a way to go!

916
01:02:27,119 --> 01:02:29,830
- Break it up. Nothing to see.
- What do you mean?

917
01:02:30,289 --> 01:02:31,957
She's a federal agent.
Come on.

918
01:02:35,085 --> 01:02:38,130
Guess it's time to apply
at my local Hooters.

919
01:02:38,505 --> 01:02:42,176
Hemorrhoid ointment? You think
the judges will look that closely?

920
01:02:42,384 --> 01:02:44,511
It's for the baggies under your eyes.

921
01:02:44,803 --> 01:02:45,888
Really?

922
01:02:47,306 --> 01:02:49,892
Good, hair spray.
Finally something I recognize.

923
01:02:50,976 --> 01:02:52,394
What are you doing?

924
01:02:52,603 --> 01:02:54,772
It stops the suit from riding up.

925
01:02:54,939 --> 01:02:55,981
Riding up where?

926
01:02:56,315 --> 01:02:58,192
Just up!

927
01:02:58,359 --> 01:02:59,401
That's enough!

928
01:02:59,610 --> 01:03:01,028
Why do you make things hard?

929
01:03:01,278 --> 01:03:04,782
I can see this is an incredibly
embarrassing situation for you.

930
01:03:05,032 --> 01:03:08,452
Why does Georgia get to wear
a one-piece and I have to wear this?!

931
01:03:08,661 --> 01:03:12,623
If you can do this, then you can
convince anyone that you belong here.

932
01:03:12,831 --> 01:03:14,416
Places, everybody! Let's go!

933
01:03:14,625 --> 01:03:19,964
The Swimsuit Preliminary accounts
for 15% of the total score...

934
01:03:20,214 --> 01:03:23,717
...and tests the grace,
athleticism and poise...

935
01:03:23,968 --> 01:03:26,470
...of each lovely woman.

936
01:03:27,513 --> 01:03:30,557
The last time I was naked in public,
I came out of a uterus.

937
01:03:30,724 --> 01:03:33,978
I don't have breasts, my thighs--
I should wear a muumuu.

938
01:03:34,186 --> 01:03:36,438
I have avoided this experience
all my life.

939
01:03:36,647 --> 01:03:39,441
And here it is.
You must achieve a Zen-like state.

940
01:03:39,650 --> 01:03:42,236
Listen to your breathing,
feel your heart...

941
01:03:42,486 --> 01:03:44,321
...think of the Dalai Lama.

942
01:04:04,258 --> 01:04:05,592
Texas!

943
01:04:10,514 --> 01:04:11,557
Rhode Island!

944
01:04:16,603 --> 01:04:18,105
New Jersey!

945
01:04:29,283 --> 01:04:31,869
Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama...

946
01:04:33,787 --> 01:04:35,039
New York!

947
01:04:39,251 --> 01:04:40,794
California!

948
01:04:45,007 --> 01:04:47,634
I would have to say,
world peace.

949
01:04:47,885 --> 01:04:50,429
Definitely, world peace.

950
01:04:50,721 --> 01:04:53,432
That's easy. World peace.

951
01:04:53,766 --> 01:04:54,808
World peace.

952
01:04:55,017 --> 01:04:59,897
What is the one most important thing
our society needs?

953
01:05:01,065 --> 01:05:05,319
That would be harsher punishment
for parole violators, Stan.

954
01:05:11,408 --> 01:05:14,661
And, world peace.

955
01:05:19,917 --> 01:05:21,418
Thank you, Gracie Lou.

956
01:05:21,627 --> 01:05:23,253
And thank you, Stan.

957
01:05:25,339 --> 01:05:28,342
Cheryl Frasier from Rhode Island.

958
01:05:29,343 --> 01:05:31,512
That was charming. Are you drunk?

959
01:05:31,678 --> 01:05:36,016
Glad you enjoyed it. Now excuse me,
I have to go unscrew my smile.

960
01:05:36,350 --> 01:05:38,060
We got a lead.

961
01:05:38,268 --> 01:05:40,187
- The blood test?
- Photos.

962
01:05:40,354 --> 01:05:43,357
Cheryl Frasier, with members
of a radical animal rights group...

963
01:05:43,565 --> 01:05:46,026
- ...involved in bombings.
- It's always the quiet ones.

964
01:05:46,193 --> 01:05:49,321
She fits the profile:
loner, introverted.

965
01:05:49,571 --> 01:05:51,156
That Cheryl?

966
01:05:51,365 --> 01:05:54,952
Describe your perfect date.

967
01:05:56,370 --> 01:05:58,205
That's a tough one.

968
01:06:00,999 --> 01:06:03,877
I'd have to say April 25th...

969
01:06:04,169 --> 01:06:07,506
...because it's not too hot,
not too cold.

970
01:06:07,714 --> 01:06:10,217
All you need is a light jacket.

971
01:06:12,219 --> 01:06:14,721
Now, there is a hardened criminal.

972
01:06:16,223 --> 01:06:20,018
Maybe she's an accomplice.
Maybe she's his inside connection.

973
01:06:20,227 --> 01:06:22,396
That's what you gotta find out.

974
01:06:22,563 --> 01:06:23,605
How?

975
01:06:23,814 --> 01:06:26,233
Buddy up to her, you know, girl talk.

976
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:28,652
- Girl talk?
- Yes, girl talk.

977
01:06:29,903 --> 01:06:31,905
Sorry, I'm totally drawing a blank.

978
01:06:32,114 --> 01:06:36,743
Leg waxing, fake orgasms,
the inability of men to commit.

979
01:06:36,910 --> 01:06:38,370
Why don't you talk to her?

980
01:06:39,705 --> 01:06:43,542
Imagine she's me and you want to know,
but I don't want to talk about it.

981
01:06:43,750 --> 01:06:45,127
What would you do?

982
01:06:45,419 --> 01:06:47,004
You want me to beat her?

983
01:06:47,629 --> 01:06:48,755
Why don't you talk to her?

984
01:06:49,006 --> 01:06:51,258
Okay, forget about it. I will go.

985
01:06:51,925 --> 01:06:53,594
Put that back in your ear.

986
01:06:53,760 --> 01:06:55,929
I can't talk girl talk
with a guy in my head.

987
01:06:56,138 --> 01:06:58,265
I can't even do it with me in my head.

988
01:07:01,143 --> 01:07:02,644
Girl talk.

989
01:07:10,611 --> 01:07:12,070
Oh, my God!

990
01:07:12,362 --> 01:07:14,656
Hey, Rhode Island, how you doing?

991
01:07:14,865 --> 01:07:18,035
How can you ask that?
You heard my interview.

992
01:07:18,785 --> 01:07:21,163
I was like a female Rain Man.

993
01:07:21,371 --> 01:07:24,291
Oh, no, it def-def-definitely
wasn't Rain Man.

994
01:07:24,541 --> 01:07:26,043
Definitely not Rain Man.

995
01:07:26,293 --> 01:07:29,046
Come and have a midnight snack
with me and some...

996
01:07:29,296 --> 01:07:30,631
...girl talk.

997
01:07:30,797 --> 01:07:33,884
Are you crazy?
We can't have pizza and beer!

998
01:07:34,092 --> 01:07:36,762
Do you know how many calories
you're talking about?

999
01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:39,556
It's light beer and
she's gonna throw it up anyway.

1000
01:07:39,723 --> 01:07:40,766
Come on.

1001
01:07:41,183 --> 01:07:43,644
Come with. No?

1002
01:07:43,810 --> 01:07:45,437
No takers? No?

1003
01:07:46,980 --> 01:07:48,815
All right, I'll just...

1004
01:07:49,066 --> 01:07:52,319
...sit here. You guys
go back on your bicycles...

1005
01:07:52,569 --> 01:07:56,823
...and I'll sit here with my
very large, cheesy pizza.

1006
01:07:57,199 --> 01:07:59,243
Oh, look at all that cheese.

1007
01:07:59,451 --> 01:08:00,494
Mmm, mm, mm.

1008
01:08:00,744 --> 01:08:02,663
Cheryl, don't.

1009
01:08:02,829 --> 01:08:05,165
At least scrape off the toppings.

1010
01:08:05,332 --> 01:08:09,086
First step, pizza.
Second step, flaming batons...

1011
01:08:13,632 --> 01:08:15,926
Let me have some. Oh, yeah.

1012
01:08:16,093 --> 01:08:18,428
I guess we'll be needing more pizza.

1013
01:08:36,238 --> 01:08:39,157
- I want another drink!
- Okay!

1014
01:08:39,866 --> 01:08:41,535
We're gonna get a drink.

1015
01:08:58,802 --> 01:09:00,804
Another round, ladies?

1016
01:09:01,555 --> 01:09:04,141
- I can't do another one!
- Yes, you can!

1017
01:09:12,899 --> 01:09:14,234
This is so weird!

1018
01:09:14,401 --> 01:09:17,195
This is my third one
and I don't feel a thing!

1019
01:09:17,404 --> 01:09:18,405
Really?

1020
01:09:18,655 --> 01:09:20,907
Like when I did my interview question.

1021
01:09:21,199 --> 01:09:23,035
Don't worry, we all sucked.

1022
01:09:23,410 --> 01:09:27,080
You know, I had such a good answer
to that question too.

1023
01:09:27,289 --> 01:09:30,417
My idea of a perfect date
would be a man...

1024
01:09:30,709 --> 01:09:32,836
...who takes me to a romantic dinner.

1025
01:09:33,086 --> 01:09:36,256
Then we walk along the beach barefoot,
discussing books...

1026
01:09:36,423 --> 01:09:39,384
...and music and movies!

1027
01:09:39,593 --> 01:09:40,802
Aw.

1028
01:09:41,011 --> 01:09:42,387
No wonder you're still a virgin.

1029
01:09:45,515 --> 01:09:47,934
Time to paint. Come on.

1030
01:09:48,101 --> 01:09:49,728
No, my contacts.

1031
01:09:51,313 --> 01:09:53,231
- We'll stay here.
- I want more pizza.

1032
01:09:53,440 --> 01:09:55,609
We're gonna have more pizza and beer.

1033
01:09:58,195 --> 01:09:59,529
Have fun!

1034
01:09:59,946 --> 01:10:03,075
- This is so much fun.
- Yeah, it's fun.

1035
01:10:03,283 --> 01:10:05,327
It's so fun it should be illegal.

1036
01:10:05,619 --> 01:10:08,455
Speaking of illegal,
have you ever, like...

1037
01:10:08,705 --> 01:10:10,082
...committed a crime?

1038
01:10:11,249 --> 01:10:12,542
Yes!

1039
01:10:13,627 --> 01:10:15,295
Yes, I did.

1040
01:10:17,547 --> 01:10:18,715
Go on.

1041
01:10:20,133 --> 01:10:23,637
One time I stole red underwear
from the department store.

1042
01:10:23,929 --> 01:10:25,639
My mother wouldn't buy them!

1043
01:10:25,931 --> 01:10:28,642
She said they were Satan's panties.

1044
01:10:31,395 --> 01:10:33,480
- So is that it?
- Yeah.

1045
01:10:33,730 --> 01:10:36,983
Oh, there was
this one thing in college...

1046
01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:39,152
...with my lit professor.

1047
01:10:39,403 --> 01:10:44,282
One day I came to his office. He said
he wanted to discuss a paper I wrote.

1048
01:10:45,242 --> 01:10:47,744
He wanted to discuss a paper, right?

1049
01:10:47,953 --> 01:10:50,664
Hey, can I get another
one of these tubie things?

1050
01:10:50,914 --> 01:10:52,874
Yeah, can we get another tubie?

1051
01:10:53,875 --> 01:10:56,086
Anyway, he attacked me.

1052
01:10:58,672 --> 01:11:01,174
Cheryl, did you report him?

1053
01:11:01,425 --> 01:11:04,469
No, I never told anyone before this.

1054
01:11:04,761 --> 01:11:07,013
I know that happens all the time.

1055
01:11:07,180 --> 01:11:09,516
No, it doesn't! Cheryl, it doesn't.

1056
01:11:09,683 --> 01:11:12,644
There are so many maneuvers
that I could show you.

1057
01:11:12,894 --> 01:11:14,020
Really?

1058
01:11:14,187 --> 01:11:16,440
Yeah! Come on, get up.

1059
01:11:18,525 --> 01:11:20,694
I want you to firmly plant your feet.

1060
01:11:20,902 --> 01:11:22,529
I'm gonna move the chair.

1061
01:11:22,779 --> 01:11:24,614
Now if someone comes at you--

1062
01:11:31,705 --> 01:11:34,040
She's completely trashed.

1063
01:11:34,291 --> 01:11:37,669
We should get her back
before Miss Morningside finds out.

1064
01:11:37,919 --> 01:11:40,714
Kathy's got a boot up her ass
about something.

1065
01:11:40,964 --> 01:11:43,842
I don't think she ever
got over those rumors.

1066
01:11:44,050 --> 01:11:45,218
Come again?

1067
01:11:45,427 --> 01:11:47,387
Her pageant years
she was a runner-up.

1068
01:11:47,554 --> 01:11:50,515
But then the winner mysteriously
got food poisoning.

1069
01:11:50,724 --> 01:11:51,933
Bizarro!

1070
01:11:52,142 --> 01:11:55,562
No, Stan told me she got a letter
a few weeks back from the network...

1071
01:11:55,812 --> 01:11:58,231
...and they're firing her too!

1072
01:11:58,440 --> 01:12:01,568
She threw a chair out the window!

1073
01:12:02,986 --> 01:12:04,738
We gotta go. Come on.

1074
01:12:05,071 --> 01:12:07,574
I got 20 people here
waiting for confirmation.

1075
01:12:13,455 --> 01:12:15,665
Don't tell me I don't understand.

1076
01:12:15,874 --> 01:12:17,959
I hate when I don't see
a wet paint sign.

1077
01:12:18,168 --> 01:12:19,336
Stop it. Listen.

1078
01:12:19,586 --> 01:12:22,964
- Can't hear you, took out my earpiece.
- I have a lead and it's not Cheryl.

1079
01:12:23,173 --> 01:12:25,592
Forget it. They bagged the Citizen.

1080
01:12:26,009 --> 01:12:27,469
What? Where?

1081
01:12:28,094 --> 01:12:29,721
It's confirmed.

1082
01:12:30,055 --> 01:12:32,098
He was holing up in a shack in Nevada.

1083
01:12:32,682 --> 01:12:35,060
Place had enough C4
to make a new Grand Canyon.

1084
01:12:35,268 --> 01:12:37,103
Let's pack up and get out of here.

1085
01:12:38,480 --> 01:12:41,441
Sir, I need to talk to you.
One second of your time.

1086
01:12:42,025 --> 01:12:43,610
- Hart.
- Hear me out a second.

1087
01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:48,073
I feel the situation bears further
scrutiny and our continued presence.

1088
01:12:48,281 --> 01:12:51,535
Do you have paint in your ears?
We caught the guy!

1089
01:12:51,743 --> 01:12:54,746
I respect what you're saying.
I'd say the same to me...

1090
01:12:54,996 --> 01:12:56,873
...but what if we were wrong?

1091
01:12:57,415 --> 01:13:00,794
What if the Citizen didn't send it?
What if it was a copycat?

1092
01:13:01,711 --> 01:13:04,089
The letter didn't follow
the normal pattern.

1093
01:13:04,297 --> 01:13:06,466
The linguistic scheme
was uncharacteristic...

1094
01:13:06,633 --> 01:13:09,010
...and the DNA said it was a woman!

1095
01:13:09,594 --> 01:13:12,389
Maybe he got his girlfriend
to lick the envelope.

1096
01:13:12,597 --> 01:13:14,891
I think we have reason
to monitor Morningside.

1097
01:13:15,100 --> 01:13:18,478
Why don't you jump on her
dressed like a Bavarian fruitcake?

1098
01:13:18,645 --> 01:13:21,439
You're the reason I had
to drag myself down here...

1099
01:13:21,648 --> 01:13:23,817
...and I don't want to hear anymore!

1100
01:13:24,067 --> 01:13:26,778
You're absolutely right, sir.
Not another damn word.

1101
01:13:27,028 --> 01:13:28,071
Thank you.

1102
01:13:28,530 --> 01:13:31,658
But she's getting fired this year,
which she didn't tell us.

1103
01:13:31,908 --> 01:13:34,911
You're already in enough
trouble with the review board.

1104
01:13:35,120 --> 01:13:38,748
Yeah, but when she was in the pageant,
the only reason she won was...

1105
01:13:38,957 --> 01:13:42,669
...because the winner got
food poisoning. How bizarro is that?

1106
01:13:42,919 --> 01:13:44,129
- "Bizarro"?
- Oh! Oh!

1107
01:13:44,337 --> 01:13:48,133
She threatened me. According to Mary
Jo, she has a history of violence.

1108
01:13:48,341 --> 01:13:49,551
Who is Mary Jo?

1109
01:13:49,759 --> 01:13:52,345
Are you getting your information
from a pajama party?

1110
01:13:52,596 --> 01:13:53,930
Would you shut up?

1111
01:13:54,180 --> 01:13:56,349
You're shutting up enough
for both of us.

1112
01:13:56,558 --> 01:13:57,601
- Matthews.
- Yes, sir?

1113
01:13:57,809 --> 01:13:59,936
Is there any reason
to suspect Morningside?

1114
01:14:06,860 --> 01:14:07,944
No, sir.

1115
01:14:11,990 --> 01:14:13,033
There.

1116
01:14:13,199 --> 01:14:16,453
I request permission to stay
with a small contingent.

1117
01:14:16,620 --> 01:14:20,206
- Denied.
- Then I request permission to stay alone.

1118
01:14:20,498 --> 01:14:24,878
You know what, I don't care
what you do. You want to stay, stay!

1119
01:14:25,086 --> 01:14:28,381
But as a private citizen.
Turn in your badge and your gun.

1120
01:14:29,132 --> 01:14:31,885
Everybody, I suggest we start packing.

1121
01:14:35,639 --> 01:14:36,723
What?

1122
01:14:36,973 --> 01:14:39,100
Don't look at me like I betrayed you.

1123
01:14:39,351 --> 01:14:41,311
Betrayal implies action.
You stood there.

1124
01:14:41,519 --> 01:14:43,021
You got nothing to go on.

1125
01:14:43,229 --> 01:14:45,398
I know everyone thinks I'm a screw up.

1126
01:14:45,649 --> 01:14:49,110
But I feel like I'm in the right
place at the right time.

1127
01:14:49,319 --> 01:14:52,405
I have to protect those girls.
It is my job.

1128
01:14:52,614 --> 01:14:53,907
Part of it is following orders.

1129
01:14:54,157 --> 01:14:58,036
The other part is using your brain.
Throw out the rule book--

1130
01:14:58,244 --> 01:15:01,247
I like the book. I like knowing
what I can and cannot do.

1131
01:15:01,498 --> 01:15:03,625
You're not the only one who lives
for the job.

1132
01:15:03,833 --> 01:15:06,836
I want to keep mine
for the next 20 or 30 years.

1133
01:15:08,088 --> 01:15:09,673
Jesus, Hart.

1134
01:15:09,881 --> 01:15:11,132
Give it a rest.

1135
01:15:11,341 --> 01:15:13,134
Sure, give it a rest.

1136
01:15:15,136 --> 01:15:16,388
What are you doing?

1137
01:15:17,931 --> 01:15:19,432
Don't do it.

1138
01:16:02,559 --> 01:16:03,935
Thank you.

1139
01:16:04,978 --> 01:16:07,105
Thank you so much.

1140
01:16:08,940 --> 01:16:10,608
I can't believe it!

1141
01:16:14,195 --> 01:16:15,488
Hi, Mom.

1142
01:16:16,573 --> 01:16:18,074
Don't do that!

1143
01:16:18,324 --> 01:16:22,579
That slow, creepy thing in the shadows.
Your father used to do that.

1144
01:16:22,787 --> 01:16:23,830
Mom.

1145
01:16:26,332 --> 01:16:27,751
This isn't gonna work.

1146
01:16:28,501 --> 01:16:31,004
Honey, of course it's going to work.

1147
01:16:31,212 --> 01:16:34,257
The feds caught the Citizen.
We have no one to pin it on!

1148
01:16:34,591 --> 01:16:36,009
Okay, that was bad luck.

1149
01:16:36,217 --> 01:16:40,430
But what about all these other letters
from terrorist groups threatening us?

1150
01:16:40,638 --> 01:16:42,223
"Women's Liberation Front."

1151
01:16:42,515 --> 01:16:45,852
"Islamic Jihad." They're not so nuts
about the swimsuit competition.

1152
01:16:46,102 --> 01:16:48,480
Any one of these
could have planted a bomb.

1153
01:16:48,688 --> 01:16:50,356
When did we get those?

1154
01:16:50,774 --> 01:16:53,109
I just finished writing them.

1155
01:16:53,318 --> 01:16:55,361
Just like the Citizen letter.

1156
01:16:56,446 --> 01:16:57,739
You're a genius.

1157
01:16:57,989 --> 01:17:00,492
No, Frank. I'm just pissed off.

1158
01:17:00,700 --> 01:17:02,994
Nobody fires me and gets away with it.

1159
01:17:03,244 --> 01:17:05,371
They want a newer, hotter show...

1160
01:17:05,538 --> 01:17:06,706
...they're gonna get it.

1161
01:17:07,332 --> 01:17:08,875
Mom, you're a little scary.

1162
01:17:09,125 --> 01:17:10,710
And you're a little bit sloppy.

1163
01:17:10,877 --> 01:17:13,797
Tuck your shirt.
I don't want to tell you again.

1164
01:17:14,881 --> 01:17:16,049
Let's go home, honey.

1165
01:17:16,674 --> 01:17:17,717
Mom?

1166
01:17:18,968 --> 01:17:20,220
Oops.

1167
01:17:32,398 --> 01:17:33,858
What's up?

1168
01:17:39,364 --> 01:17:41,491
- Need a hand, boss?
- I got it.

1169
01:17:48,581 --> 01:17:50,875
Okay, Vic. Beautify me.

1170
01:17:51,084 --> 01:17:55,046
Hair, makeup, shellac, whatever
it is you do. That shiny stuff--

1171
01:17:55,296 --> 01:17:56,548
Where are you going?

1172
01:17:56,756 --> 01:18:01,052
Your Agent McDonald insists that I
depart, or I won't be compensated.

1173
01:18:01,427 --> 01:18:04,180
No. After the top 10!
I am completely on my own.

1174
01:18:04,389 --> 01:18:06,933
The FBI is gone, it's not fixed.
I need you!

1175
01:18:07,100 --> 01:18:09,185
Not anymore. The cocoon is open.

1176
01:18:09,394 --> 01:18:12,355
I've taken a woman
without a smidgen of estrogen...

1177
01:18:12,564 --> 01:18:14,232
...and made her a lady.

1178
01:18:14,440 --> 01:18:17,026
- Come on.
- I've never been prouder of myself.

1179
01:18:18,444 --> 01:18:19,529
Or...

1180
01:18:21,114 --> 01:18:23,449
...of any girl I have ever coached.

1181
01:18:24,576 --> 01:18:26,286
You are truly unique.

1182
01:18:27,120 --> 01:18:31,457
If I ever had a daughter,
I imagine that she would be...

1183
01:18:31,958 --> 01:18:33,126
...something like you.

1184
01:18:35,545 --> 01:18:37,130
Which is why I never reproduced.

1185
01:18:39,340 --> 01:18:42,635
I have a really strong feeling
something will happen to these girls.

1186
01:18:42,886 --> 01:18:44,554
You need to stay for me. Please.

1187
01:18:44,762 --> 01:18:46,097
I can't.

1188
01:18:46,723 --> 01:18:49,809
But I can leave you this.
I was saving it for tonight.

1189
01:18:50,143 --> 01:18:52,604
It's your size, I believe.

1190
01:18:52,979 --> 01:18:54,814
Good luck to you, Gracie Lou.

1191
01:19:00,403 --> 01:19:02,113
It's been a privilege.

1192
01:19:21,132 --> 01:19:22,759
No insults today?

1193
01:19:23,009 --> 01:19:24,260
You're a Don Ho.

1194
01:19:24,469 --> 01:19:27,972
Has anyone seen Gracie? I can't
believe she missed dress rehearsal.

1195
01:19:28,181 --> 01:19:31,601
Maybe she couldn't take the pressure.
She ate four slices last night.

1196
01:19:31,809 --> 01:19:36,981
We all saw her glasses performance.
She is not making the top 10.

1197
01:19:38,024 --> 01:19:39,984
I overslept my beauty sleep.

1198
01:19:40,193 --> 01:19:42,904
- Do you need help?
- No, I'm fine.

1199
01:19:43,446 --> 01:19:45,782
I wonder which one of these...

1200
01:19:46,032 --> 01:19:47,408
...is lipstick.

1201
01:19:50,703 --> 01:19:51,788
Ladies!

1202
01:19:51,955 --> 01:19:54,457
Now, the first thing we need
to deal with...

1203
01:20:14,978 --> 01:20:17,689
Good luck, ladies! Keep it moving.
Let's go!

1204
01:20:17,897 --> 01:20:18,982
Looking good, ladies.

1205
01:20:19,232 --> 01:20:21,484
Will you go back to the mothers hip?

1206
01:20:21,693 --> 01:20:23,361
As long as you go with me, Tex-Ass.

1207
01:20:23,569 --> 01:20:26,698
Let's go, Pennsylvania,
New Jersey, Texas...

1208
01:20:27,407 --> 01:20:29,867
I can't open the goddamn bottle.

1209
01:20:30,076 --> 01:20:31,077
Frank!

1210
01:20:31,327 --> 01:20:33,538
Have a good show. You guys excited?

1211
01:20:34,747 --> 01:20:35,832
Get it.

1212
01:20:40,586 --> 01:20:41,713
Where are you going?

1213
01:20:41,921 --> 01:20:44,340
I forgot my breasts.
Hold on, I'll be back.

1214
01:20:50,179 --> 01:20:51,472
Going live.

1215
01:20:51,681 --> 01:20:54,767
In five, four, three...

1216
01:20:55,018 --> 01:20:58,271
<i>It's the 75th Annual
Miss United States Pageant...</i>

1217
01:20:58,479 --> 01:21:02,066
<i>...live from San Antonio, Texas!</i>

1218
01:21:13,244 --> 01:21:15,788
Good. That's the one I use at home.

1219
01:23:11,529 --> 01:23:14,365
And your host for the evening,
Stan Fields!

1220
01:23:14,574 --> 01:23:17,118
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

1221
01:23:17,326 --> 01:23:21,998
And welcome to a night of beauty,
talent and poise.

1222
01:23:22,206 --> 01:23:24,667
I'm not just talking
about my cohost...

1223
01:23:24,917 --> 01:23:27,420
...Kathy Morningside!

1224
01:23:30,381 --> 01:23:33,134
- Hello, Kathy.
- Stan, you charmer.

1225
01:23:33,342 --> 01:23:36,596
But you forgot to mention
"incredible intelligence."

1226
01:23:36,762 --> 01:23:39,849
That was incredibly stupid of me.
How can I make it up?

1227
01:23:40,099 --> 01:23:42,518
By helping me to announce
the top 10...

1228
01:23:42,727 --> 01:23:46,856
...chosen based on their performance
during the preliminaries this week.

1229
01:23:47,064 --> 01:23:48,566
Here's the envelope.

1230
01:23:48,774 --> 01:23:51,944
Thank you, Scott.
Ladies, hold your breath.

1231
01:23:54,739 --> 01:23:56,199
Hawaii!

1232
01:23:56,407 --> 01:23:59,660
Follow her. Beautiful.
Come in for that reaction.

1233
01:24:01,162 --> 01:24:03,039
- Go to two.
- Going to two.

1234
01:24:03,247 --> 01:24:04,790
California!

1235
01:24:07,084 --> 01:24:08,211
New York!

1236
01:24:11,672 --> 01:24:12,715
Alaska!

1237
01:24:15,635 --> 01:24:17,220
Texas!

1238
01:24:21,766 --> 01:24:23,142
<i>Thank you.</i>

1239
01:24:24,810 --> 01:24:26,687
New Jersey!

1240
01:24:29,106 --> 01:24:30,566
Thank you, thank you.

1241
01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:32,443
Oh, shit!

1242
01:24:34,070 --> 01:24:35,321
That was graceful.

1243
01:24:35,571 --> 01:24:37,198
That must have hurt.

1244
01:24:37,657 --> 01:24:39,742
But she's up and at it.

1245
01:24:45,915 --> 01:24:49,126
And last but not least, Rhode Island.

1246
01:24:53,839 --> 01:24:57,760
And there they are!
This year's top 10 finalists.

1247
01:25:00,846 --> 01:25:02,765
Well, the top 10 have been chosen.

1248
01:25:02,974 --> 01:25:06,644
We'll be right back with tonight's
swimsuit competition.

1249
01:25:13,526 --> 01:25:15,695
I checked out Kathy Morningside.

1250
01:25:15,861 --> 01:25:18,239
- Anything?
- Not even a traffic ticket.

1251
01:25:18,489 --> 01:25:23,035
Model citizen. Beauty contestant,
pageant director, loving mom.

1252
01:25:23,244 --> 01:25:25,538
- She's married?
- Widow. One son.

1253
01:25:25,788 --> 01:25:28,791
A sniveling, obsequious
weasel of a human being.

1254
01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:33,004
- You know her son?
- So do you. It's Frank.

1255
01:25:33,212 --> 01:25:35,881
- Her assistant?
- Asshole Frank?

1256
01:25:36,048 --> 01:25:37,049
One and the same.

1257
01:25:37,300 --> 01:25:40,303
She never mentioned anything.
Anything come up on the CCH?

1258
01:25:40,511 --> 01:25:41,887
Nothing on Frank Tobin.

1259
01:25:42,054 --> 01:25:44,265
There wouldn't be.
His name is Morningside.

1260
01:25:44,515 --> 01:25:47,310
He changed it to cover
his many indiscretions.

1261
01:25:48,060 --> 01:25:49,687
Wait. How do you know that?

1262
01:25:50,563 --> 01:25:53,065
I've been around this pageant
for many years.

1263
01:25:53,316 --> 01:25:56,569
I could shock you with the intimate
details I'm privy to.

1264
01:26:13,669 --> 01:26:15,087
Good job! Good job

1265
01:26:15,296 --> 01:26:18,174
Keep going, everybody. Keep moving.

1266
01:26:22,428 --> 01:26:23,512
Hey, hey.

1267
01:26:23,721 --> 01:26:25,181
I got you something.

1268
01:26:26,515 --> 01:26:28,100
Oh! Oh.

1269
01:26:28,351 --> 01:26:29,435
I couldn't--

1270
01:26:29,685 --> 01:26:32,271
You ate pizza, you stole panties,
you're wild.

1271
01:26:32,521 --> 01:26:34,523
We worked on this, remember?

1272
01:26:35,107 --> 01:26:36,442
You're gonna be great.

1273
01:26:43,741 --> 01:26:46,243
- Can I see your ticket?
- Federal officer.

1274
01:26:47,078 --> 01:26:48,579
I'm with him.

1275
01:27:20,736 --> 01:27:22,446
Gentlemen, you can't go in--

1276
01:27:22,613 --> 01:27:23,656
Victor!

1277
01:27:24,657 --> 01:27:25,991
He's with me.

1278
01:27:27,493 --> 01:27:29,662
Wait. I'm not "with him" with him.

1279
01:27:29,912 --> 01:27:31,497
Come on, muffin.

1280
01:27:45,594 --> 01:27:49,014
Thank you! She certainly lit my fire.

1281
01:27:50,766 --> 01:27:53,144
Now you can wear Satan's panties!

1282
01:27:55,271 --> 01:27:57,940
Oh, my God, I gotta go on!

1283
01:28:02,653 --> 01:28:04,655
- Hey, Hart.
- What are you doing here?

1284
01:28:04,905 --> 01:28:08,534
I think you might have been right.
Frank is Kathy Morningside's son.

1285
01:28:08,701 --> 01:28:10,286
Disgusting, perverted Frank?

1286
01:28:10,536 --> 01:28:12,788
He cleared under another name.
I ran a new CCH.

1287
01:28:12,997 --> 01:28:15,541
DUI, assault, even a weapons charge.

1288
01:28:15,791 --> 01:28:17,126
Are we doing full deployment?

1289
01:28:17,334 --> 01:28:20,004
McDonald didn't want to hear about it.
It's just us.

1290
01:28:20,838 --> 01:28:23,048
<i>Interview set change, five minutes.</i>

1291
01:28:23,215 --> 01:28:25,050
Good show, Mr. Tobin.

1292
01:28:26,010 --> 01:28:29,513
Get ready.
Interview set change, five minutes.

1293
01:28:32,850 --> 01:28:34,977
You're up next, New Jersey.

1294
01:28:35,186 --> 01:28:36,729
I gotta get my glasses.

1295
01:28:38,397 --> 01:28:40,649
Hey! You're drinking my talent!

1296
01:28:40,858 --> 01:28:42,985
You got to make it into the top five.

1297
01:28:43,194 --> 01:28:44,904
- Can you whistle?
- No!

1298
01:28:45,070 --> 01:28:47,031
- Make hand puppets?
- No!

1299
01:28:47,239 --> 01:28:49,241
I had a girl who rearranged furniture.

1300
01:28:49,492 --> 01:28:51,952
You said all I have
is sarcasm and a gun.

1301
01:28:52,203 --> 01:28:53,871
That and a right hook.

1302
01:28:54,747 --> 01:28:59,668
And now, the musical stylings
of Gracie Lou Freebush.

1303
01:29:04,089 --> 01:29:05,090
Good evening.

1304
01:29:05,341 --> 01:29:09,220
The program says I'm supposed to play
the water glasses for you...

1305
01:29:09,428 --> 01:29:10,930
...but the girls got dehydrated.

1306
01:29:12,598 --> 01:29:13,724
No water glasses?

1307
01:29:14,600 --> 01:29:16,560
You want me to go to a commercial?

1308
01:29:16,769 --> 01:29:19,104
No, stay on her. Go with it.

1309
01:29:19,355 --> 01:29:23,734
I believe no woman should be without
a basic knowledge of self-defense.

1310
01:29:23,943 --> 01:29:28,030
So in order to show you this,
I'm gonna need a little help.

1311
01:29:28,531 --> 01:29:32,368
I would like to bring out
my assistant, Eric Bob.

1312
01:29:36,580 --> 01:29:39,458
More changes?
Follow her. Stay on her.

1313
01:29:39,625 --> 01:29:42,503
<i>--How to inflict damage
with the least amount of force.</i>

1314
01:29:43,087 --> 01:29:48,467
In some cases, your attacker might
come at you in a frontal assault.

1315
01:29:54,807 --> 01:29:56,809
Use the heel of your hand and thrust.

1316
01:29:57,017 --> 01:30:00,521
This will cause the nose to break
and your assailant's eyes to tear...

1317
01:30:00,729 --> 01:30:02,314
...giving you a chance to get away.

1318
01:30:02,565 --> 01:30:06,569
All right. Let's say your assailant
comes at you from behind.

1319
01:30:12,032 --> 01:30:13,659
Attack me!

1320
01:30:14,326 --> 01:30:15,327
Oh.

1321
01:30:15,578 --> 01:30:18,247
Little Eric looks a little scared.

1322
01:30:21,458 --> 01:30:23,919
Maybe he needs a little applause.

1323
01:30:24,795 --> 01:30:26,463
Yeah! Eric!

1324
01:30:40,352 --> 01:30:42,146
She's kicking his ass!

1325
01:30:44,440 --> 01:30:46,066
You were the best queen ever.

1326
01:30:46,275 --> 01:30:48,360
Thank you, that is so sweet.

1327
01:30:48,611 --> 01:30:51,196
Ladies, give Lori
some room to breathe.

1328
01:30:51,447 --> 01:30:52,865
Go on, now.

1329
01:30:53,198 --> 01:30:54,783
You need some powder.

1330
01:30:54,992 --> 01:30:56,952
You don't have to hold
the crown all night.

1331
01:30:57,161 --> 01:30:59,622
My God, that is disgraceful.

1332
01:30:59,788 --> 01:31:00,831
Frank!

1333
01:31:01,081 --> 01:31:04,376
Take this to the prop master.
See if you can't get it to shine.

1334
01:31:04,668 --> 01:31:08,589
If all else fails, go for the four
sensitive areas of the body.

1335
01:31:08,797 --> 01:31:10,466
But just remember to "sing."

1336
01:31:10,674 --> 01:31:12,593
S-I-N-G.

1337
01:31:16,597 --> 01:31:18,515
Solar plexus, instep...

1338
01:31:18,724 --> 01:31:20,809
...nose, groin!

1339
01:31:22,061 --> 01:31:23,228
SING.

1340
01:31:30,653 --> 01:31:32,071
Cue Stan.

1341
01:31:33,405 --> 01:31:34,531
Whoa.

1342
01:31:35,240 --> 01:31:37,117
Welcome to the Garden State!

1343
01:31:37,326 --> 01:31:42,373
When we return, we'll find out
who those lucky final five are.

1344
01:31:44,833 --> 01:31:46,377
Let's go find Frank.

1345
01:31:46,585 --> 01:31:48,253
Take left. I'll take this side.

1346
01:31:48,504 --> 01:31:50,130
No, evening gown. Now.

1347
01:31:58,931 --> 01:32:01,266
<i>Ladies! In one moment,
five of you...</i>

1348
01:32:01,433 --> 01:32:03,769
<i>...will be one step
closer to the crown.</i>

1349
01:32:05,354 --> 01:32:07,773
And one of those five...

1350
01:32:08,190 --> 01:32:09,525
...is...

1351
01:32:12,027 --> 01:32:13,153
...California!

1352
01:32:15,948 --> 01:32:17,741
Leslie Williams is a music major.

1353
01:32:17,950 --> 01:32:21,745
She believes in the healing power
of music. Loves opera, reggae...

1354
01:32:22,037 --> 01:32:25,666
...and, like any true California girl,
the Beach Boys.

1355
01:32:27,084 --> 01:32:28,544
Rhode Island!

1356
01:32:29,628 --> 01:32:32,631
Cheryl Frasier is a science major.
Her field is...

1357
01:32:32,798 --> 01:32:36,969
...nuclear fission with a minor
in elementary particles.

1358
01:32:38,929 --> 01:32:40,222
Nebraska!

1359
01:32:41,306 --> 01:32:44,935
For Kelly Beth Kelly,
all the world is a stage.

1360
01:32:45,269 --> 01:32:47,146
A theater major...

1361
01:32:47,312 --> 01:32:51,316
...she helps run a drama program
for underprivileged children.

1362
01:32:51,984 --> 01:32:53,402
New Jersey!

1363
01:32:54,486 --> 01:32:58,282
Gracie Lou Freebush hopes
to become a pediatrician.

1364
01:32:58,490 --> 01:33:00,784
Gracie, it's you. Go!

1365
01:33:00,993 --> 01:33:05,330
Her hobbies include
figure skating, water ballet...

1366
01:33:05,581 --> 01:33:08,500
...and taking long,
luxurious bubble baths.

1367
01:33:10,627 --> 01:33:12,337
You go, Gracie Lou.

1368
01:33:12,963 --> 01:33:15,507
And our fifth finalist:

1369
01:33:15,716 --> 01:33:17,676
Texas!

1370
01:33:18,343 --> 01:33:21,013
Mary Jo Wright is a psychology major.

1371
01:33:21,263 --> 01:33:24,516
In her spare time,
she works in a homeless shelter...

1372
01:33:24,767 --> 01:33:26,310
...and eats Mexican food.

1373
01:33:28,020 --> 01:33:31,732
Thank you, ladies.
You were magnificent.

1374
01:33:36,945 --> 01:33:39,031
I want all the lesbians to know...

1375
01:33:39,239 --> 01:33:41,533
...if I can make it to the top 10,
so can you!

1376
01:33:41,742 --> 01:33:43,494
Big out to Brooklyn! Yo!

1377
01:33:44,286 --> 01:33:45,537
Get her off of there!

1378
01:33:45,788 --> 01:33:47,039
Go to Stan!

1379
01:33:48,040 --> 01:33:49,792
Tina, I love you, baby!

1380
01:33:50,000 --> 01:33:52,336
I love you, Karen!

1381
01:33:55,672 --> 01:33:57,132
Whoo! Yeah!

1382
01:33:57,382 --> 01:34:02,012
And we'll be right back with our
final five lesbians. Interviews.

1383
01:34:02,221 --> 01:34:05,349
Bumper. Commercial.
Can we say "lesbians"?

1384
01:34:05,557 --> 01:34:07,142
You got a problem with that?

1385
01:34:08,060 --> 01:34:11,897
In a way, America is like a big ship.

1386
01:34:12,189 --> 01:34:15,400
When we work together
and respect each other...

1387
01:34:15,651 --> 01:34:18,237
...that's when the ship
gets safely home.

1388
01:34:19,279 --> 01:34:20,906
Terrific answer.

1389
01:34:21,156 --> 01:34:22,199
Damn it.

1390
01:34:25,077 --> 01:34:26,411
<i>New Jersey.</i>

1391
01:34:26,745 --> 01:34:29,706
<i>As you may know,
there are many who consider...</i>

1392
01:34:29,915 --> 01:34:35,087
...the Miss United States pageant
to be outdated and anti feminist.

1393
01:34:35,420 --> 01:34:37,089
What would you say to them?

1394
01:34:37,422 --> 01:34:38,757
Oh, my God.

1395
01:34:38,924 --> 01:34:42,094
I would have to say,
I used to be one of them.

1396
01:34:44,304 --> 01:34:46,598
And then I came here...

1397
01:34:46,849 --> 01:34:48,433
...and I realized that...

1398
01:34:48,600 --> 01:34:53,188
...these women are smart,
terrific people...

1399
01:34:53,397 --> 01:34:57,943
...who are just trying to make
a difference in the world.

1400
01:34:59,194 --> 01:35:01,697
We've become really good friends.

1401
01:35:02,614 --> 01:35:07,035
I know we all secretly hope the other
one will trip and fall on her face--

1402
01:35:07,953 --> 01:35:10,706
Wait a minute!
I've already done that!

1403
01:35:15,627 --> 01:35:19,840
For me, this experience has been
one of the most rewarding...

1404
01:35:21,258 --> 01:35:23,969
...and liberating experiences
of my life.

1405
01:35:26,889 --> 01:35:28,557
My God.

1406
01:35:29,224 --> 01:35:30,434
I did it.

1407
01:35:33,645 --> 01:35:34,897
And if anyone...

1408
01:35:35,397 --> 01:35:36,648
...anyone...

1409
01:35:37,149 --> 01:35:39,359
...tries to hurt one
of my new friends...

1410
01:35:39,902 --> 01:35:41,403
...I would take them out.

1411
01:35:42,070 --> 01:35:45,490
I would make them suffer so much,
they'd wish they were never born.

1412
01:35:45,657 --> 01:35:49,661
And if they ran,
I would hunt them down.

1413
01:35:54,374 --> 01:35:55,500
Thank you, Kathy.

1414
01:36:00,631 --> 01:36:04,593
A brief, shining moment,
and then that mouth.

1415
01:36:06,094 --> 01:36:08,347
Helps if you pull it out.

1416
01:36:09,681 --> 01:36:11,683
Good luck, ladies.

1417
01:36:11,892 --> 01:36:14,102
Where's the crown?
I wanted to rub it for luck.

1418
01:36:14,353 --> 01:36:15,979
Frank took it to get it polished.

1419
01:36:16,188 --> 01:36:18,982
I'll have it by the time
they announce the winner.

1420
01:36:20,192 --> 01:36:21,693
My God! It's the crown!

1421
01:36:21,944 --> 01:36:23,987
Yes, it is. You can taste it now--

1422
01:36:24,196 --> 01:36:25,405
No, no, no!

1423
01:36:25,614 --> 01:36:29,826
It goes Texas, Rhode Island
and New Jersey. Let's go.

1424
01:36:30,118 --> 01:36:32,162
Not the--
This. In the--

1425
01:36:32,371 --> 01:36:33,997
Finale positions.

1426
01:36:34,206 --> 01:36:39,211
Yes. Wear the crown. Be the crown.
You are the crown.

1427
01:36:44,383 --> 01:36:49,721
<i>And now, the moment
of truth and beauty.</i>

1428
01:36:50,806 --> 01:36:52,224
The envelope, please.

1429
01:37:05,654 --> 01:37:06,697
What?

1430
01:37:07,823 --> 01:37:09,741
A lot of tension.

1431
01:37:10,075 --> 01:37:11,827
The fourth runner-up is...

1432
01:37:12,577 --> 01:37:13,578
...California!

1433
01:37:22,421 --> 01:37:24,172
The third runner-up is...

1434
01:37:26,591 --> 01:37:27,926
...Nebraska!

1435
01:37:36,059 --> 01:37:38,770
- Am I in danger here?
- Wait here.

1436
01:37:38,979 --> 01:37:41,273
The second runner-up is Texas!

1437
01:37:56,246 --> 01:37:57,539
Drop it!

1438
01:37:57,873 --> 01:37:59,416
I mean it! Drop it!

1439
01:37:59,624 --> 01:38:00,709
This is it.

1440
01:38:00,917 --> 01:38:01,960
The moment.

1441
01:38:02,127 --> 01:38:06,131
One of these two ladies
will wear the crown.

1442
01:38:07,257 --> 01:38:09,134
Listen to me!

1443
01:38:09,301 --> 01:38:11,470
I'm gonna reach for my badge, slow.

1444
01:38:11,636 --> 01:38:13,513
You do, and you're dead.

1445
01:38:15,974 --> 01:38:17,309
The first runner-up...

1446
01:38:17,559 --> 01:38:20,812
...who will have to take the winner's
place if, for any reason...

1447
01:38:21,021 --> 01:38:23,023
...she cannot fulfill her duties is:

1448
01:38:24,983 --> 01:38:26,777
New Jersey! Which means...

1449
01:38:26,985 --> 01:38:28,320
...our new Miss United States is:

1450
01:38:28,528 --> 01:38:29,613
Don't take the crown.

1451
01:38:29,821 --> 01:38:31,490
Rhode Island's Cheryl Frasier!

1452
01:38:31,656 --> 01:38:35,786
- Don't take the crown. Trust me.
- I can't hear you. What?

1453
01:38:39,039 --> 01:38:41,792
<i>She reigns over all she sees</i>

1454
01:38:42,667 --> 01:38:44,669
<i>She's beauty and she's grace</i>

1455
01:38:44,836 --> 01:38:49,549
<i>She's queen of 50 states
She's elegance and taste</i>

1456
01:38:50,175 --> 01:38:52,469
<i>She's Miss United States</i>

1457
01:38:53,470 --> 01:38:56,556
<i>Hold your crown up high</i>

1458
01:38:58,600 --> 01:39:02,104
<i>Go ahead, hold your crown up high</i>

1459
01:39:04,648 --> 01:39:06,316
<i>Raise it to the sky</i>

1460
01:39:08,193 --> 01:39:09,653
Jersey's gone berserk!

1461
01:39:10,070 --> 01:39:11,655
Get her off the stage!

1462
01:39:11,822 --> 01:39:13,532
Get away! Get away!

1463
01:39:14,366 --> 01:39:16,785
<i>Hold your crown up high</i>

1464
01:39:18,328 --> 01:39:21,373
<i>Raise it to the sky</i>

1465
01:39:22,374 --> 01:39:26,336
<i>Hold your crown up high</i>

1466
01:39:33,176 --> 01:39:34,386
<i>She stands for all that's good</i>

1467
01:39:35,178 --> 01:39:37,889
<i>She loves her neighborhood</i>

1468
01:39:39,975 --> 01:39:42,978
<i>She's friends with everyone she meets</i>

1469
01:39:45,063 --> 01:39:47,149
<i>She's beauty and she's grace</i>

1470
01:39:47,399 --> 01:39:49,526
<i>She's queen of 50 states</i>

1471
01:39:50,527 --> 01:39:54,197
<i>She's elegance and taste</i>

1472
01:39:54,364 --> 01:39:57,242
<i>She's Miss United States</i>

1473
01:39:57,409 --> 01:39:59,536
<i>Hold your crown up high</i>

1474
01:39:59,703 --> 01:40:00,745
Gracie!

1475
01:40:01,037 --> 01:40:05,542
<i>Hold your crown up high</i>

1476
01:40:24,895 --> 01:40:27,939
She's Miss United States.

1477
01:40:30,275 --> 01:40:31,735
Okay.

1478
01:40:33,153 --> 01:40:34,946
Good show, everybody.

1479
01:40:35,947 --> 01:40:39,743
- I was right in the middle of my song!
- There she is!

1480
01:40:42,454 --> 01:40:45,123
You got nothing on me.
This is ridiculous.

1481
01:40:45,373 --> 01:40:48,919
Where you're going, they'd love
to meet a former beauty queen.

1482
01:40:49,127 --> 01:40:51,296
When he says meet, he means M-E-A-T.

1483
01:40:53,798 --> 01:40:55,300
Miss Hart, you don't understand.

1484
01:40:55,467 --> 01:40:59,179
All I'm guilty of is trying to make
the world a more beautiful place.

1485
01:40:59,387 --> 01:41:00,639
Look at yourself.

1486
01:41:00,805 --> 01:41:03,975
When I met you, Dennis Rodman
looked better in a dress.

1487
01:41:04,226 --> 01:41:06,561
But now you're a lady! I did that.

1488
01:41:06,770 --> 01:41:10,982
Vic did that, and a team of highly
specialized federal manicurists...

1489
01:41:11,191 --> 01:41:13,693
...and people who make you beautiful.

1490
01:41:13,902 --> 01:41:15,278
Get in the car.

1491
01:41:15,487 --> 01:41:17,405
You think you saved something.

1492
01:41:17,614 --> 01:41:21,952
All you did was to destroy the dream
of young women all over the country.

1493
01:41:22,160 --> 01:41:23,787
Their dream is to get blown up?

1494
01:41:23,995 --> 01:41:25,997
You got a good shot
at that insanity plea.

1495
01:41:26,498 --> 01:41:27,624
I earned it!

1496
01:41:27,832 --> 01:41:30,460
Years of bitching beauty
queens and what do I get?

1497
01:41:30,669 --> 01:41:34,589
Fired! They steal my life,
they steal my beauty pageant.

1498
01:41:34,798 --> 01:41:39,010
Hey! It is not a beauty pageant.
It is a scholarship program.

1499
01:41:39,219 --> 01:41:40,720
Yeah, yeah.

1500
01:41:40,845 --> 01:41:41,930
"Yes."

1501
01:41:47,352 --> 01:41:52,148
Enjoy running the Miss San Antonio
Women's Correctional Facility Pageant!

1502
01:41:56,278 --> 01:41:58,738
- Get it? The Women's Correctional--
- Hey.

1503
01:42:00,031 --> 01:42:01,533
That was good work.

1504
01:42:04,035 --> 01:42:05,245
Right back at you.

1505
01:42:08,373 --> 01:42:10,750
So, how does it feel?

1506
01:42:11,459 --> 01:42:13,336
Throwing the rule book
out of the window?

1507
01:42:13,545 --> 01:42:15,297
Pretty good, actually.

1508
01:42:16,256 --> 01:42:17,882
I was thinking...

1509
01:42:18,049 --> 01:42:19,467
...when we get back...

1510
01:42:19,676 --> 01:42:23,054
...after we write up our reports
and you get all ugly again...

1511
01:42:23,471 --> 01:42:25,557
...maybe we could have dinner?

1512
01:42:25,765 --> 01:42:28,226
What? You asking me out on a date?

1513
01:42:28,893 --> 01:42:30,562
No. Just a casual dinner.

1514
01:42:30,812 --> 01:42:33,732
If we happen to have sex afterwards,
so be it.

1515
01:42:37,319 --> 01:42:40,238
You think I'm gorgeous.

1516
01:42:40,405 --> 01:42:43,283
You want to date me...

1517
01:42:43,491 --> 01:42:46,328
...love me and marry me.

1518
01:42:57,797 --> 01:42:59,716
<i>A part of you is gonna miss this.</i>

1519
01:42:59,924 --> 01:43:02,093
The heels.
They do something for my posture.

1520
01:43:02,344 --> 01:43:04,512
I'm suddenly very aware
and proud of my breasts.

1521
01:43:04,721 --> 01:43:07,098
- Funny, me too.
- Agent Matthews! Gracie!

1522
01:43:07,349 --> 01:43:08,683
Thank God you're still here.

1523
01:43:08,892 --> 01:43:10,435
There's been an emergency.

1524
01:43:10,685 --> 01:43:14,105
Somebody found some
sort of incendiary device.

1525
01:43:14,314 --> 01:43:16,107
Come on, quickly!

1526
01:43:16,691 --> 01:43:17,734
Excuse me. FBI.

1527
01:43:17,901 --> 01:43:21,946
She saved the pageant,
she saved our lives, and here she is!

1528
01:43:25,325 --> 01:43:26,618
That's not gonna work for me.

1529
01:43:27,702 --> 01:43:28,953
I can't go up there!

1530
01:43:29,245 --> 01:43:30,580
It was his idea, Gracie Lou.

1531
01:43:30,789 --> 01:43:33,625
I'd never get you here unless
you could shoot someone.

1532
01:43:33,875 --> 01:43:35,627
You'll get yours, Henry Higgins.

1533
01:43:36,336 --> 01:43:37,379
Come on.

1534
01:43:37,587 --> 01:43:38,963
Come on!

1535
01:43:41,841 --> 01:43:46,930
Ladies and gentlemen,
agent Gracie Hart of the FBI!

1536
01:43:50,350 --> 01:43:51,643
Not so fast!

1537
01:43:51,893 --> 01:43:54,979
Because even though
you're a federal officer...

1538
01:43:55,271 --> 01:43:58,983
...to us, you will always be
Gracie Lou Freebush.

1539
01:43:59,150 --> 01:44:03,988
The nicest, sweetest,
coolest girl at the pageant...

1540
01:44:04,239 --> 01:44:06,991
...and this year's Miss Congeniality!

1541
01:44:24,008 --> 01:44:25,176
I, uh--

1542
01:44:25,593 --> 01:44:27,637
I don't know what to say.

1543
01:44:28,805 --> 01:44:30,765
Except for...

1544
01:44:31,182 --> 01:44:32,934
...I can't wear this at work.

1545
01:44:35,353 --> 01:44:38,189
I never thought anything like
this would happen to me.

1546
01:44:38,690 --> 01:44:42,402
I kind of hoped it wouldn't.
But now that it has...

1547
01:44:42,861 --> 01:44:44,404
...I just want to say that...

1548
01:44:44,612 --> 01:44:46,030
...I'm very...

1549
01:44:49,200 --> 01:44:50,285
...very honored.

1550
01:44:51,786 --> 01:44:52,829
And...

1551
01:44:54,038 --> 01:44:55,039
...moved.

1552
01:44:55,707 --> 01:44:56,916
And...

1553
01:44:59,544 --> 01:45:01,212
...truly touched.

1554
01:45:05,008 --> 01:45:06,176
And...

1555
01:45:13,433 --> 01:45:15,310
...I really do want world peace.